Chapter Four:
~• "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" Gina hit herself in the head rather roughly as she sat on the swing set clenching the chains. "I was stupid to trust him! All these years I thought that I could tell him any and everything but all this time he's been talking about me to his slurry girlfriend behind my back?!" Her whole body was shaking and she felt like she was going to burst into tears. She left right after the shoot, avoiding all of Key's attempts to talk to her. It was too much, just the thought of it hurt her deeply. "Like I don't have enough trust issues already. And I know it's really not that big of a deal, but I'm still hurt and I'm still upset and I can't believe he told her all that!!!" she screamed to herself, no one else was around to hear her cries. She was doing this often, venting to herself to help her calm down, but it only made her feel even more like a lonely freak of nature. She just cried and hung her head holding her shaking body. "Well that's a first." a voice hit her ears and she wasn't sure if it was directed toward her. She hoped it wasn't. "I was sure I was gonna find you in a restaurant or bakery eating until your cheeks hurt" it was definitely directed toward her. Soon his designer shoes came into view and she sighed as she sat up "Gina in a park? What happened? We're they all closed?" Key laughed loudly, his laughter for once filled her with sadness instead of butterflies. She lifted her head revealing her ugly face that looked even uglier due to crying. Key's laughter quickly died out and he did a double take. "Yah, are you crying??" she rolled her eyes trying to wipe the wetness from her cheeks. "What do you want Key?" "To know why you're crying! Obviously!!" He touched her shoulder and she flinched before bolting to her feet. Key gave a rather stunned reaction, he hasn't seen her act like that before, especially to him. "I-It's nothing I'm fine. I'm fine." she spoke more to herself than him, she was kind of stuck. She didn't know if she could trust him anymore. In her mind she knew she was over reacting, she knew key and she should know better than to listen to someone like Skyler. But she could take the risk, she was too scared. "Damn it! Why do I have to be like this?!" she screamed in a huff and Key looked at her "Gina?" If he wasn't worried before he defiantly was now. "Why are you here?..." She tried to change his focus, hoping she didn't look like a psycho. "I went after you after you stormed off, you wouldn't talk to me before you left so I dropped Skyler off and searched for you." "Well you didn't have to ok? I'm fine." "Clearly not if you were sitting here crying!" He yelled looking at the tears still visible on her cheeks. "Everyone cries Key, it's not a big deal!" "It is to me! How do you think I feel finding you like this?! I know there's something wrong with you and you refuse to tell me!" She flinched, as if something clicked. Wrong?? Something wrong....with me?? She looked down and Key looked at her. I-Is there something wrong with me?? Is that why I cause so much trouble for him?? For my members?? "Gina?" his call hung in the air, she didn't respond. I'm such a burden to everyone, no wonder I'm like this! I'm such a weak and pathetic girl! I can't even tell Key that I like him! What's the point of me even being his friend if I came be honest with him!! "Yah! Gina!!" Her whole body jerked as Key grabbed her, she looked at him "Y-Yah let go!" she started to squirm and he held her face and she went still instantly. He's never touched her face before, the feeling of his warm hands were enough to make her heart swell. "Gina what's wrong? You're really starting to scare me? Is there something you're not telling me? Is there something going on in your head? What is it?!" He was desperate to know, these past few months of her acting strange have been driving him insane. It scared him more than anything. "You think I'm crazy?..." she sounded heart broken and she gave a look to match. "N-No, no, of course not I'm just worried about you." "You seemed rather hesitant just now..." He sighed letting his hands drop to her arms "Gina-" "It makes sense. All this time you must have thought I was crazy right? I mean who wouldn't?" "That's not what I'm saying, I'm not calling you crazy Gina I just wanna know what's wrong!" She laughed a little pushing him back and walked away "Well there's a lot of things wrong but I'm sure you already knew that. Shall I go down the list??" She was done. All these thought in her head were to much. She was going to break. "Almost everyday is like a bloody battle between depression and anxiety an sometimes, sometimes I really feel like I'm just gonna EXPLODE!" Her whole body shook and she soon found herself crying again as she paced back and forth. She was sure she looked crazy now but didn't care, she's been holding everything in and she needed to get it out. Weather Key saw her like this or not. "There's so much on my mind, being an idol, keeping image, trying to look calm and composed when I'm really FREAKING THE FUCK OUT!!!" She spoke really fast and played with her fingers nervously, tears running down her face as she cried in between her words. "I don't know what's wrong with me, I act strong but I'm so fragile and weak, Haha! I've been in love with you four over four years and haven't told you yet! Isn't that pathetic?! I'm a coward! I'm-" "Wait! You what?!" Key cut in and she looked at him in a huff running her hand through her hair "I'M A COWARD! I'M A BIG PHAT COWARD WHO WILL NEVER BE HAPPY!! BECAUSE EVERY FUCKING DATE I GO ON LEADS IN DISASTER!!" "Ani! Not that! What you said about liking me!" Gina shrugged her shaky shoulders, she looked like mental patient. But she couldn't stop herself now. She was no longer aware of what she was doing or saying. Gina was gone. "Like you? You mean like like you?? Everyone like likes you key, you have a super model girlfriend and thousands of adoring beautiful fans that could obviously be a better friend to you than I'm being. Who the hell am I kidding right?? I'm not good enough to be with some one like you, I never will be! I don't even deserve to be your friend! Why do I keep kidding myself when I know you have a girlfriend and that you love her?!" She was screaming and looking at him as if she wanted an answer from him but knew he couldn't give one. "WHY DO I KEEP THINKING THAT YOU LOVE ME, THAT ANYONE COULD LOVE SUCH A DISGUSTING PERSON LIKE ME!! EVERY TIME I TRY TO MAKE MYSELF ERASE THESE STUPID FEELINGS I HAVE FOR YOU THEY KEEP COMING BACK! I STILL LOVE YOU!! WHY?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!!" Her cries echoed in the air and she fell to her knees holding her head sobbing. She felt dizzy as if all she was gonna pass out from all the crying. She could hardly cry anymore as it is. She could still see Key in the corner of her eye, just standing there motionless. She didn't want to look at him, she was already feeling the guilt and shame. "Gi-Gi...na?..." he sounded scared, she stumbled to her feet before he could say anything else and ran away. "No wait! Gina!" he called but she didn't stop, she didn't feel right, she needed help. She ran and ran till heavy rain forced her to take shelter in front of an old building. She panted rubbing her soaked arms and huddled against the wall sliding to her knees, completely broken. "Unnie....help..."
