Re-Adopted by Black Veil Brides

Running Away For Answers

Ashley's POV~

I don't know what to do. I can't face Audrey right now. For the first time in a long time I don't want to go back home. When I gave Audrey up for adoption I hardly ever went home. I visited Laney's grave, I went to bars, even stayed at a strip club at all hours of the night. I don't want to face Aurdey in shame of what's happened. Only person I can think of talking to right now is Rose. Maybe it's time to tell someone from the outside who doesn't know anything about my life. 

I drive to Roses house. I've been there a few times to just spend time together. Ive never kissed her or anything more than that. I'm going slow with her. I pull up to her stone driveway and knock on her door. 

"Hey Ash!" She smiles letting me in and hugging me. 

"Hey Rose" She notices my tone of voice. 

"What's wrong? Something got you down?" 

"I uh... Need to tell you something." 

She leads us to the kitchen where she makes me a peppermint tea. Rose said the first time I visited that peppermint tea calmed her down. She mentioned she gets stressed easily but can handle anything. 

I wonder what she'll think when I tell her about my past. I've told her a few things but nothing like this. I can't keep overthinking what people are going to think about me about what I've done. I've just got to do it. Rose is so easy to talk to. It's like she was there for my entire life. Except she wasn't and I have to explain it to her over tea. 

"So tell me Ash, what's wrong?" She says handing me a cup of tea with her peach painted nails. I sigh.

"Promise you won't judge me Rose?" 

"I would never. I promise." 

And so I told her. Starting with Laney. I told her things about her that i haven't told anyone. I hardly spoke about Laney since she died. But I told her how Laneys eyes reminded me of warm caramel chocolates. How she always wanted to go places especially when it was sunny. How I had to teach her to look in the mirror and love herself. How I proposed on Easter Sunday at her parents house and the time she brought home a puppy. 

"You loved her so much." Rose said. 

"I did." And a few moments later I said "I still do."

"I understand Ashley. Really. We all have at one love of our life that we'll never forget. And deep in our hearts there's no one who can make them feel that way again." 

"There's um more." I said. 

"More? Are you sure you trust me?" 

"I do Rose."

It was hard for me to tell her. My heart was beating fast and I was getting anxious. Do you ever feel like that? Like you desperately can't wait to get the words out but you're distracted by your heart pumping a million beats a second? I started stuttering and I even lost my place in my story.

But my words made sense and I told her about my baby. My daughter. I could tell that when I talked about Laney that Rose didn't get that she was gone. The light in Roses eyes flickered like a light in a storm. I entangled my hand in hers for support. 

"I'm so sorry Ash. Jesus this is so terribly sad. What happened to your baby?" 

"I raised her, or tried at least for a while. Laneys parents never liked me and the baby was no exception. But they loved Laney. I started drinking because I missed her. I lost the love of my life. She promised me that we'd always be together. My drinking got so bad that Andy suggested that I put her in an orphanage. And so I did.

As time went on I missed my baby girl. And I wanted to be a dad. For the past 3 or so years I've been trying to find her. I had forgotten what orphanage I put her in. The liquor erased my memory. I felt that it was time for her to know her dad. Maybe she'd be proud of who I am. 

I finally I found her though. The picture I found of her made me so happy and sad. I'd missed about 14 years of my daughters life and I so wanted to be there for her through every step of the way. She's so beautiful Rose! She loves all of the guys and we've all pulled her out of something bad."

"She sounds wonderful Ash! You can trust me with anything okay? I'm accepting and open minded."

"Thank you Rose. Can I ask you a question?" She nodded.

"Okay so my daughter doesn't know anything about being my actual daughter. She just thinks that I'm a dude who's in  rock band that so happened to adopt her. But she went looking around my house and found things that were baby shower related and pictures of me and her mother. And now she's questioning who the mom is and where the baby is. I don't know what to tell her. Personally I feel it's not the right time to tell her just yet. Rose, what do you think I should do?"

"Ashley, you should tell her. Maybe not all at once. My parents adopted my little brother when I was 9. He got curious around 7 when he was the only blue eyed person in our family. My parents told him a little about how he was different from everyone else but that he was always apart of our family. 

But since your daughter is older you can tell her more. But just as long as you're comfortable telling her. Ash remember that she is your blood and that somewhere along the line that there'll be comfort. If she loves you like you said she did, I don't think this'll be much of a problem. Be open with her."

"I should be open. You're right. She trusted telling me personal things the day I met her at the orphanage. I'm just worried what she'll think of me after I tell her all this..." 

"I would say don't worry but that's really hard. But what I am going to tell you is that everything balances out in the end. I hope she'll see that you're trying to be her father now and that it some how makes up for the time that's been lost." 

I sigh and stand up. 

"I think I'll go home now and try to fix this." Rose stands up and hugs me tightly. Her sweet perfume coating her skin and hair. 

"She'll understand. She has so many people to love and support her." I hold her hand while walking to the door. "And you do too." And she plants her soft pink lips against mine.