Finally Home (KPOP Fan Fiction)

16.25

Baekhyun POV 

I felt myself stir and my eyes fluttered open slightly, tiny rays of sun peeking through the curtains greeting me blindingly. It took a few seconds to adjust to the sudden light without flinching as I would usually do. In my arms lied a strong, petite body that was breathing slowly and steadily. I inhaled Dara's sweet scent, simultaneously running my fingertips up and down her bare arm. Memories of the previous night soared through my head, causing a small grin to curl the corners of my lips upwards.

Last night felt like all those years ago when my heart began to be tugged by her on our first date. Every second spent with her after we introduced ourselves again reminded me why I've always loved her in the first place, and regret sat on my shoulders at the same time as the night went on as I wondered how I let someone so precious to me go. How could I let myself hurt her so easily? Dara's serene smile and the soft twinkle in her eyes when she laughs have not changed in all these years; a smile and twinkle that have been etched into my mind for years.

A sigh escaped my lips and I switched from running my fingertips up and down her arm to wrapping it around her waist. Dara snuggled herself a bit closer to me and I held my breath, hoping she wouldn't wake up. After a few seconds of silence, I relaxed then turned my attention to the slightly fluttering curtains and the sunlight peeking in. Last night was a simple night, but definitely one night I have Luhan to thank for eternally. 

It was a simple yet refreshing night. The night started off with a casual dinner before we decided to explore the area, our conversations mainly consisting of our children, Haru and Luna. It surprised me how much they've grown, and it made us both sad that I wasn't part of their lives growing up. Dara wished I was there, but I promised to be there for them from there on out. I didn't miss that hint of doubt in her eyes, which is something I deserve. I broke many promises to her in the past. 

I closed my eyes, Dara's smiling face flashing in my mind instantly. I want to remember this happiness forever. The warmth in my arms, the sound of her voice, her laughter, the way she pouts her lips when she deeply thinks - I want to remember it all. I want to be able to make her and the kids happy. I'm tired of making promises I can't keep and wishing for things that'll never come true. I'm tired of lying. 

I can't risk destroying her once again. 

The truth is that I won't be here long enough to see my own kids walk across the stage and retrieve the diploma I know they'll work endlessly to earn. I am not joining the military like I told Dara - that was just a lie as to why I would be gone for an extended period of time. I'm relieved of my idol status because I'm not physically and psychologically capable of being one anymore. 

The truth is I just want Dara to remember that I never stopped loving her, and that my endless love for her is enough to tell her that it's okay for her to move on from me.

I don't want her being in the arms of another man, but I can' t be selfish. My eyes opened again and I felt them sting slightly as they watered from my endless thoughts. I got what I begged for but my time with her is up. Reluctantly, I pulled myself away from Dara then pressed my lips softly against her hair before I slid out of bed and began to get ready. 

As I ran my hands through my hair, I heard movement come from the bed and I turned to see Dara looking straight at me, sadness apparent in her beautiful eyes. I opened my mouth to speak, but she beat me to it, "You left me when I was asleep once, and now you're doing it again?"

A sad smile curled my lips, "I have unfinished business to take care of." Lie number one of the new day.

She sat up, a frown on her face. "And have one of your friends act too close for comfort in your spot while you're away again? What's going on, Baekhyun?"

My mouth opened, but I closed it right away. There's no point in my excuses anymore. A defeated sigh came out of me. I gave up too fast, but there's no point in fighting anymore. "I'm sorry, Dara. I'll never play with your heart again."

"What...do you mean?"

"I mean that I don't deserve this life at all. A life with you and the kids. I love you, I truly do, but you deserve better than scum like me. I know I said this before, but after last night, I just want you to remember me like that. I just wanted you to remember me as Byun Baekhyun, not just a hot mess who is incapable of keeping the one thing who kept him sane happy. I-"

"Baekhyun," she cut me off softly. "You come back to my life after all these, promise to be a part of our children's lives as well as mine, but now you're leaving because you don't deserve this? Baekhyun, together we can make amends and work things out. It isn't an immediate process but--"

"Dara, I've thought this long and through for years. You think this is easy for me?" My voice cut out as I felt myself get caught with tears. "If I had the choice, I'd willingly stay here forever and be a family. That's my one true dream, but not all dreams come true but someone else can make it come true in my stead. I want us to grow old together, to attend our children's weddings and be there to hold our grandchildren, but I can't. I won't...be here for that." I muttered the last words, but her expression told me she heard me.

"Baekhyun, what are you telling me?"

I changed the topic. "Just promise me that you won't forget me. You'll find happiness in Luhan, I promise."

"Hey--"

"I want to tell you the truth, I honestly do, but for the sake of you moving on from me, I won't. Please. Don't make this any harder from me." I looked down and clenched my hands, feeling like a lost little boy all over again. Silence rang loud and clear in the room before I saw the bed move slightly and Dara's body standing right in front of me. Her hands cupped my cheeks and she lifted my face, our eyes meeting. 

"There's no point, because I want to wait for you forever." She whispered.

"Don't. Please." My voice was smaller than hers. "I wanted to leave with your smile the last thing on my mind, not with you telling me to stay."

Silence. "When will I get to know the truth?"

"Sometimes, the truth is best left unsaid," I replied. "But I can't risk breaking your heart once again. Don't let me hurt you again."

"You on the edge of leaving me is hurting me already."

"I'm sorry," I leaned closer and pressed our foreheads together. "The next time we cross paths, it'll be our last meeting. I promise. Remember that I love you, and only you."

"You are finally home, though," she mumbled.

I remained silent as I pressed my lips against hers. She dropped her hands from my face and clenched my shirt, tilting her head to deepen it. The softness is a feeling I'll never forget, and a feeling I'll forever treasure. These lips spoke words that were music to my ears, and the only pair of lips I passionately enjoyed kissing. No one knows that I'm leaving her and the children forever. They all believed me when I told them all I wanted to make things right with her and pray to be with her forever, and only half of that came true which is what I wanted. I pulled away slowly and gazed into her glazed eyes. 

"I love you, Dara Song." 

_____________________

So, it's been a long time, right? I apologize.

The thing is I forgot my story line entirely so this path is a different from what I originally planned a couple months back. I reread my entire series from what I posted hoping it'd spark a memory because I typed out all of my chapters out on Microsoft Word in my laptop that's back in my original home, but unfortunately enough I don't live there anymore. ^-^; I'm aiming for a sad ending (LIKE ALWAYS) but I could always reverse it with ideas in the COMMENT BOX BELOW

What do you think is wrong with Baekhyun? Why can't he risk breaking her heart? Someone? Something? 

P.S. Add me on Snap Chat ONLY if; 1.) you don't mind constant lip syncing. 2.) ghetto rap music 3.) the occasional selfies! (at: jamjambear) 

Instagram: jamiilie 

Thanks guys for your patience! I appreciate it!