Kaine

Chapter 15

As time went on I tried to detach my self from Kaine. School started back and I started dating my best friend. I can honestly say during that time I wasn't thinking about  Kaine, but a month later I ended things with my best friend. I started fucking with more people. I started dating this girl and for some reason she reminded me so much of Kaine and I liked it. When ever we argued I would tell her she was acting like Kaine. Eventually I told her I was still in love with him. It was sometime in November. I was scrolling through Facebook and I seen Kaine updated his cover photo and it was him and some girl. I knew it was his girlfriend I didn't have to ask any one I felt it. I started crying. It hurt to see he moved on. Like who in their right mind would want to see the person they're in love with with someone else. Eventually my girlfriend found out I was crying and asked me what was wrong, and I told her. She wasn't happy to know that I was still in love with Kaine. "How can you love him and me?" She would always ask. She said you couldn't love two people. And hey she was right. I loved her, but I wasn't in love with her. To this day I think I was only as into her as I was, because some how she reminded me of Kaine. I'm glad she did though she distracted me from Kaine a lot during the day. It was always the nights that got to me. It's always the nights. I sit in bed staring at the ceiling sometimes listening to music, just thinking about him. I remember one night before school started it was 3 in the morning. I just started balling out of no where and I couldn't stop for about 30 minutes. I wrote about it in the journal I had for him. By the time I gave up hope of him ever coming back I threw away the journal. I wish I would have kept it now.  Anyway, I ended up breaking up with that girl over Kaine in all honesty. She kept bringing up how I was still in love with him. She didn't understand it and I wasn't going to keep dealing with her being upset over him. So I left. Me and her went through a lot the next 3 months. We were on and off and I was kind of growing tired of the lies and bull shit. In February I was laying in bed on a Sunday night. I was thinking about Kaine as usual, but never this much. I prayed for him like I do every day and night then I went to go to sleep. But, I could not fall asleep.  I didn't go to sleep that night at all which was unusual for me. He was on my mind way too much. So the next day I decided to text him. I told him I missed him and I still thought about him all the time. I changed my name on Facebook so he didn't know it was me and when I told him it was me he actually responded back!! I was so surprised. I only texted him to ease my mind. I guess God knew what he was doing when he kept me up with thoughts of Kaine all night. Kaine and I continued to talk and I was so proud of myself, because I avoided telling him I still loved him. I remember telling my friend Jas how I didn't tell him I loved him and I was proud of myself for that. One day I was home alone and I was checking my messages and then I seen Kaine sent me a message. It said I love you. As I was about to open it my parents came home so I had to hurry up and log out of Facebook. I checked it again when I went to work, but that was a good 2 hours later before I was able to check it. The whole 2 hours I waited to get back on I was in my head. "No Margaret you read that wrong." "No he didn't say I love you." "He doesn't love you your just seeing things." But I was wrong he did say it. I told him I loved him too never stopped. Then he told me how my mom made him say all of those things to me. I was pissed when I found this out. My mother held me while I cried, was there when I was so fucking depressed over this man for a year! A whole fucking year. But, yet she never felt bad for having a hand in it. I hated my mom for that. I don't necessarily hate her anymore, but I don't trust my mother. I felt so betrayed by the whole situation in all honesty. But, I understood why Kaine did it. He had his whole future ahead of him and it was the only way in his mind to avoid the trouble. He had no idea I was fighting for him behind the scenes. I remember my dad told my mom they should lure him over to our house and as soon as he came in act like he was trespassing and beat his ass. I would have flipped my shit if they would have actually tried that. Anyway, me and Kaine started talking again just like it was before. I would tell him I loved him a lot, because at this point I was no longer trying to hold it in. I was just happy that I finally had him back in my life. I legit lost hope of him ever coming back so when he did I was so freaking happy.