Kaine

Chapter 36

For personal reasons I've decided not to update what's going on with Kaine. Because, I mean he's not himself right now and I don't know what the hell is going on. But awhile back I made letters to him on a website called Quotev. Well lately a lot of people's accounts have been getting deleted and I realized all the letters I wrote him would be gone forever if my stuff gets deleted so I'm going to update and put the letters in this chapter. 

February 26, 2016

My Love

My Love,

You are truly my everything. I think about you all the time. I try to focus in class and through out my day, but I fail atrociously. I can't help it. I drift off into my own little world. I miss you oh so much. It makes me cry some times, but I force myself to get over it. I can't wait to see you again. I call you my chocolate solider🍫💦 I'm proud of you more than words can express. You went out and you accomplished exactly what you said you were going to. I hate that we are exactly 1,001.2 mi and 14 hours and 35 minutes apart by car 😂😂S/o to google. Lol. But, for real I want you so bad. Not just sexually either and I think you know that already. I want to be the women you want so bad. No other person has had me like this and I doubt they ever would. I would choose you over everything in this world Kaine and I mean it. You are my everything and I mean it when I say it. I want you to be mine so bad. I don't want anyone else. I don't even text anyone anymore but Jason and my guy best friend Eli. Those are the only two niqqas in my inbox honestly. I want you and only you for the rest of my life. I hope we are still something by the time I graduate, because I really want you to marry me. I never wanted that with anyone else truly, but you. I'm sorry you're having a bad day and that the people over there are being hard on you, but it'll be worth it in the end. I love you Kaine Xavier Jones. Stay Strong baby.

February 27, 2016

I Miss You

Dear Kaine,

I really am missing you right now. I wish we were talking but I have my pride up at the moment. I really did try to send it to you I really did. I hate disappointing you, but I'm human I can't accomplish everything I want to no matter how hard I try. When ever I miss you or whenever we're not talking I go back and I read some of our messages. I look at your pictures and videos. It always makes me happy but at the same time it reminds me of how bad I miss you and I get sad all over again. Not talking to you hurts right now. I'll get over it or what ever. I really wish you could see just how much I have sacrificed for you. How much I love you. I wish you could see and understand that I would do anything for you! I don't even care about my own happiness any more as long as your happy then I'm good. I wish you could see that. I hope you see that one day. I love you Kaine so fucking much. I miss you like crazy right now. I wish we we're talking, but we're not so I'll just look at your pictures or something. I love you Kaine I really do. It's kind of scary loving someone this hard, because you never know what's going to happen you know. I don't wan this to end the way it did last time. If it wasn't for Jason I wouldn't have made it through that stuff as well as I did. It was so hard on me thinking and honestly believing in my head that you hated me. I hated that feeling. It broke me so fucking bad. Have you ever been through pain like that? One day the person you are madly in love with loves you just the same, then the closer it gets to the time they go away they start acting way different than they ever had towards you before. Then you find your self fighting so fucking hard to make something work and the person you are madly in love with isn't even trying in your eyes. Then the person your madly in love with tells you they don't want anything to do with you. That shit hurts. I remember it like it was yesterday. I still find myself crying over that stuff. I never want it like that again. I never want to lose you again. Hell I'm honest to God terrified of losing you and I don't think you see that.