Battle Scars {Draco Malfoy}

Chapter Twenty Three

To get over the little awkward spell that was cast over the two, Clara decided to direct the conversation in a completely different direction.

"What do you want to do after Hogwarts? " she asked him.

Draco had been fully preparing himself to name off things that he found intriguing about her aside from her scars when she blindsided him with the different question.

"What?"

"What do you want to do after Hogwarts? Career-wise?" she said looking straight ahead.

"Oh um.." Draco's eyes searched around the village as if he would find the answer right in front of him, but he mind drew a blank. "I don't know."

He shook his head. "To be honest, it's going to sound incredibly shallow, but I never thought about really working. I always figured I had my family to fall back on..but now..now.."

"Now what?" Clara glanced over at him.

"Now, I don't want to rely on them. It's gotten me in plenty of trouble over the years. Not that I blame my parents...I had full control over my actions."

"Did you?" Clara questioned. "Or are you saying that out of guilt?"

The two sat down upon a stone wall that was bordering the village and the land beyond.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you can look at it from one or two ways...you can take full blame for your actions because you were aware of what you were doing was wrong, or you could look at it in the sense that you had no choice. After all, it was the world you were brought up in. Your family as you said before is about blood purity. No child is born discriminating, it is something learned. It's what you learned, so are you really at full fault? Or is your family to blame? But not just your parents, but generations of your family who were taught the same thing over and over and it was passed down from generation to generation."

Once again, Clara's words left Draco at a lost for words as he could only find himself replying with the same response.

"I don't know."

"Think about it, Draco. But not too hard...you don't want to hurt yourself." she said the last part with a teasing tone in attempts to cheer him up, but it didn't work.

"I've already hurt myself...and others. Irreversible damage. I can't use my family's teachings and traditions as an excuse for the things I've done, Clara. Because I look at the family members who actually decided to break away from those teachings and traditions. My mother's sister was one of them. She turned away from the family to marry the man she loved, even though he was a muggle-born. Sirius ran away from home when he was sixteen, younger than my age now and he didn't turn back. But did I do that? No."

"Did you have the outlet to do that?" Clara asked him. "Did you have the same support system waiting for you like Professor Black or your mother's sister?"

"I had a chance." Draco admitted. "I had a chance but I didn't take it. I was too scared, but Dumbledore...he offered to help me but I...I didn't take it. He's pretty much dead because of me. I'll never forgive myself for that."

"Draco, you didn't kill Professor Dumbledore."

"But I didn't save him either!"

"You can't blame yourself for that-"

"Yes I can and I will!" Draco said hotly rising from the wall. "I will forever blame myself..."

"But why?"

"Because I will always think if I had done something, if I had been a better person then perhaps things could have worked out better in the long run. Who knows maybe there wouldn't have been a battle at Hogwarts, it could have all been prevented-"

"Draco-"

"I wouldn't be reminded that people were dead and you wouldn't have those scars!" he said angrily pointing at her face. He saw her flinch at his hand before his facial expression softened drastically. He dropped his hand as he saw the tears swell in her eyes before she slid off the wall with a hurt expression on her face.

"Thank you for pointing out that my scars are a constant reminder for you. Really, I appreciate it!" she told him before storming away from him.

"No, I didn't mean it like that..." he ran after and stood before her so she couldn't walk any farther. "I meant...I meant that...the scars wouldn't be a burden-"

"A burden?!" she cried.

It was like nothing Draco could say would make the situation better. 

"Please Clara-"

"You said you didn't see the scars, Draco. So was that a lie? Just something nice to say to the scar faced girl?! Is that it? Well, I don't need your pity! And you don't have to worry about me burdening you with my face!"

He shook his head, trying to figure out how everything had gone wrong so quickly.

"Clara, wait please-"

"You're still horrid! You're a horrible person!"