Sage Yajnavalkya observed "A wife loves her husband not for his sake, but for her own sake. A husband loves his wife not for her sake, but for his own sake. Parents love their children not for the sake of the children, but for their own sake. People love wealth not for its sake, but for their own sake. Thinkers and teachers are loved, not for their sake, but for the sake of the Self. Warriors and kings are loved, not for their sake, but for the sake of the Self. The Gods, the worlds, the beings in the world, and everything else - they are not loved for their sake, but for the sake of the Self. Indeed, you must realise the Self. Hear it, reflect upon it, and meditate upon it."
Yajnavalkya basically says that we don't love our spouses or children or wealth, but we love ourselves. A girl is dear to her father because she is his daughter. A man is dear to a woman because he is her boyfriend. A dog is dear to a family because he is their pet. A suit is dear to a man because it is his suit. The love in a relationship is in relation to oneself.
When we say we love someone or something, we project ourselves in them.
'Atman'* is being used at two levels: ordinary 'self' and 'Self' as in the inner essence/spirit.
At a spiritual level, the sage suggests that compared with the inner, higher Self - none of these externalised relationships are self-less love and by their very nature are transient.
One need not believe in esoteric ideas about the continuity of an Eternal Self in changing selves.
Purely at the materialist level, there is only person who stays with you from birth to death - you. Parents, family, friends, lovers, children, wealth, ec - all may change or dissolve, but you are there as long as you live.
Yajnavalkya truly invites a 'self-reflection' to uncover the deeper nature of true love, and the relationship between the subject and object of love.
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This reflection was based on a passage from the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad:
sa hovāca: na vā are patyuḥ kāmāya patiḥ priyo bhavati, ātmanas* tu kāmāya patiḥ priyo bhavati: na vā are jāyāyai kāmāya jāyā priyā bhavati, ātmanas tu kāmāya jāyā priyā bhavati; na vā are pūtrāṇāṁ kāmāya putrāḥ priyā bhavanti, ātmanas tu kāmāya putrāḥ priyā bhavanti; na vā are vittasya kāmāya vittam priyam bhavati, ātmanas tu kāmāya vittam priyam bhavati; na vā are brahmaṇaḥ kāmāya brahma priyam bhavati, ātmanas tu kāmāya brahma priyam bhavati; na vā are kṣatrasya kāmāya kṣatram priyam bhavati ātmanas tu kāmāya kṣatram priyam bhavati; na vā are lokānāṁ kāmāya lokāḥ priyā bhavanti, ātmanas tu kāmāya lokāḥ priyā bhavanti; na vā are devānāṁ kāmāya devāḥ priyā bhavanti, ātmanas tu kāmāya devāḥ priyā bhavanti; na vā are bhūtānāṁ kāmāya bhūtāni priyāṇi bhavanti, ātmanas tu kāmāya bhūtāni priyāṇi bhavanti; na vā are sarvasya kāmāya sarvam priyam bhavati, ātmanas tu kāmāya sarvam priyam bhavati; ātmā vā are draṣṭavyaḥ śrotavyo mantavyo nididhyāsitavyaḥ: maitreyī ātmano vā are darśanena śravaṇena matyā vijñānenedaṁ sarvaṁ viditam. [source: http://www.swami-krishnananda.org/brdup/brhad_II-04.html]
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