Desi's POV
The next morning I woke up, confused, next to Billie. He had his arms wrapped around me. He was sleeping so peacefully. His lips were parted slightly as he breathed heavily. He was so cute. I wanted to kiss him but I'd rather not wake him up. I glanced over at his alarm clock sitting on the table next to his bed. The time read 3:00 AM. Ugh. I should be sleeping. Billie started stirring in his sleep. He sat up and looked at me.
"I hope I didn't wake you up," I whispered.
"No. You didn't. It's fine," he replied groggily. His sleepy voice was so cute. I just couldn't get enough of him. He gave me a sympathetic loo.
"I'm sorry about Tre. He's a fucking asshole sometimes. Y'know." Then he added something quieter that I hardly heard; "I'd treat you so much better."
"What was that last part?"
"It. Uhh. . .Nothing. It was nothing. Go back to sleep. It's late." I just sat there staring at him for a while. A ghost of a smile started spreading across his lips.
"What are you staring at?" He tackled me down onto the bed playfully and climbed on top of me. He lowered his face down so close to mine that our foreheads and noses were touching. I stared into his beautiful malachite green eyes as he stared into my eyes. This would be the perfect moment to kiss him but I don't have enough confidence to do so. Maybe he'll do it so I don't have to. Is this even real? Here I am laying on my crushes bed with my crush on top of me, his beautiful eyes staring into mine at 3AM. I then felt the warmth of his soft lips upon mine and here we go. . .It can't get any better than this. His touch is so soft, so gentle, so unlike my ex. . .
"You're beautiful, Desirae," he whispered through the kiss which made m stomach churn. Beautiful. He called me beautiful. A faint smile spread across my lips which made him pull away from the long warm kiss.
"What are you smiling about?" He asked with a smile already forming on his face.
"You called me beautiful," I replied shyly. He smiled, pulling me up to him for another kiss. I pulled away.
"Hailie. . ." I whisper, sadly. He stares a me for a while, still pinning me down.
"You're right." He sits up. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."
"I. Nevermind."
"What?"
"Nothing," I reply. He grabs my hands and looks down unintentionally at my wrists.
"Desi?!?!" he yell-whispered. "What the fuck?!?!?!?" He runs his fingers along each cut on my wrist.
"I. . .Billie. Do you hate me?"
"Never. But why did you do this?" He asks still touching my cuts, as if by him touching them will make them disappear.
"This. This guy. My ex boyfriend. Mason. He uhh. Let's just say he didn't treat me very good. I was going through depression on top of it all. Cutting was just how I coped with everything."
"What did he do to you?" He asked angrily.
"He was abusive. He would hit me. He caused some of these cuts on my wrists. He'd always keep a switch blade on his around me. I had a really bad one on my thigh. He still follows me. One time at night I saw him standing outside hiding behind some bushes and trees in my backyard watching me. I never feel safe at night. It's super easy to climb up to my bedroom window. Even if I am on the top floor. I have extra locks on my window but still. Its glass. He could break through. Actually I've been Putting a board between the outside and inside window panes. I keep my curtains shut. My parents love him. I don't know what to do." Billie pulled me in for a hug.
"If we ever need to stay with me, you're more than welcome to. I'll keep you safe. I promise." I feel safe being in his arms. I wish I could stay here forever with his arms wrapped around me. Maybe I can stay here I'm 21. I shouldn't live with my parents anymore. although Hailie is 24 and she still lives there.
"How old are you, Billie?" I ask him.
"23," he replies quietly. "And you?"
"21."
"How old is Hailie?" he asked.
"24."
"Does she even love me?" He gives me a sad expression.
"I don't know. She's never told you she does?"
"Nope. . ." He looks down.
"I love you," I whispered. He looks at me and I can almost see the faintest smile appear on his lips. "As a friend," I add and just as soon as that smile appeared, it disappeared. Suddenly regret washed over me like a huge wave.
"You too."
*****
I glanced over at Billie's alarm clock again. 4:38 AM. Sleep is one thing I won't be getting tonight but Billie wasn't having a problem with that. He was passed out, lying half on me. I need sleep so bad. I rarely get it anymore because I'm so worried of Mason showing up in my room again.
Billie started moving in his sleep again. This time he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me closer. He keeps mumbling stuff in his sleep.
"Desirae. . ." He mumbled. "Desi. I love you. . .no. . .Don't leave me. . .Des. Please. . .I love you. . .No. . .Desi!" He sat up quick and looked at me and pulled me close to him. I felt his tears drip into my hair as I slowly drifted off to sleep in Billie Joe's gentle arms.
