E.X.ing (Luhan Fanfic)

Confusing

'Yes' 'No' 'I want to be alone' 'I'm tired'

Those are the daily words from Luhan to Lixian. He turns cold now since the death of Jia and Hao. She doesn't know why, but he changes a lot. She often questions herself where is her warm Luhan?

Everyday just likes hell to her, she feels so lonely eventhough she lives in the same house as him. He is a total stranger now, she wants the old him. Touching him is never hard, it's still easy, but the hardest part is, she is the only one who wants to touch him, not for him, he ignores every affection from Lixian.

'Maybe it's his guilty'

Lixian always thinks positively just like that. Maybe Luhan feels guilty to Hao since he couldn't protect him, or maybe he feels deeply sad about this loss. Then, the negativity comes to her, she thinks maybe Luhan has a special feeling for Jia, they were together for a quiet long time to develop feeling.

"It can't be, right?" She asks herself in a low tone as she looks down to her tummy.

A little angel is growing there, not only Lixian's but also Luhan's. Somehow, it makes her feel sad. It's so far from what she imagined. No warm affection from Luhan, no excitement from him, no love shared from him. This is so disappointing but Lixian doesn't even know what to do.

***

Luhan stared blankly at the letter on his hand. It folded perfectly, but he had no guts to read what was inside. He felt empty, but he couldn't define the right feeling he had right now. Sad? Taken aback? He didn't know, maybe mixed feeling.

Slowly, he unfolded the letter and stared at Jia's nice hand-writting. But his heart started skipping beats when he saw the traces of her tears there. It dried now, but leaving marks. He fell to his own silence as he started reading it.

"I'm sorry, that's everything I want to say. I caused so many troubles in your life. It's me who have no shame, I really realize it but I'm willing to be a shameless one just to get your love. I love you Luhan. I know you have the same feeling eventhough it's in total different level. I'm sure about that, because if you have no feeling at all, you already left me. Luhan, all I could think right now is we met in the wrong time and in the wrong situation, so here, I hope in a different life, we will meet again and love-----"

Luhan paused and bit his lips. He gave up holding on his tears, now his tears streamed down his face, for the first time he cried for Jia. He never knew, it would hurt him like this. Maybe what she said was right, he had the same feeling as her, he had love for her, but in a different level. But it still love, right?

"------I thought about us, what will happen to us if your ex never come? Will be a happy family with Hao? Will you realize your feeling for me? Luhan, I love you, I really do, but I'm so sorry, I'm a burden to you. I hope you live happily with your ex now, you have no burden now -Jia-"

Her letter was strong, it simply changed him and his mindset. Now, he felt guilty and regret. He now felt the little wave of his love for her, but it was too late. She was gone already. After that day, he changed into a total stranger infront of Lixian, he totally felt nothing, except regret and guilty.

***

The baby is growing, day by day, leaving a baby bump on Lixian's tummy. It's getting bigger now, but Luhan still is a cold guy to her. At first, she felt sad and depressed and upset, but as time goes by, she feels nothing, maybe she already gives up on him.

At office, people starts talking about her pregnancy, noone knows if she carries Luhan's baby, and they start accusing her sleeping with some random men which caused her and Luhan's relationship turns cold. This hurts her but looks like Luhan has no intention to clear it.