Blue Eyes

Chapter 16: Here's To Those We've Left Behind

A/N Okay, please don't kill me after this.

The next part is probably going to be even worse, so sorry about that too.

Dean placed the photo of him and Mary between some shirts to keep it safe for the ride. They've moved a lot ever since John started hunting, more times than Dean can count. Though, this time, it's the hardest one yet. It beats the moving from his family home back when he was just 4 years old. Dean knew the reason but refused to think about it.

He never expected to meet a shy, blue-eyed boy with a surprisingly big mouth if you got to know him. He never expected to take a liking to the boy, to want more than just making out in a janitor's closet like he used to at the previous high schools. He never expected to fall in love.

But it happened and it hurt. Dean suddenly understood the sappy romantic comedies he watched when nobody was around. The crying, locking yourself up in a room, actually feeling your heartbreak as if it was made of glass and somebody threw it against a wall.

Today was the last day of school and Dean was definitely not ready.

"Hello, Dean," Castiel said with a grin that used to melt Dean's heart. Now it felt like he was punched in the gut. He was never going to see that grin again.

"Hey, Cas," Dean mumbled, kissing Castiel's forehead in the process. The familiar smell of soap, cinnamon and a hint of vanilla, that was undoubtedly Castiel, hit his nose, which nearly brought him to tears. Dean told himself that he could do this, pretend like everything was normal for the rest of the day. Now, he wasn't so sure.

"Are you okay?" Castiel asked, his eyes big and full of concern. Dean nodded and swallowed the lump in his throat.

"I'm fine."

"I understand," Castiel replied, his face falling. He quickly composed himself with an admirable poker face. Dean wanted to tell him everything, but he couldn't. It would be too dangerous for Cas and, besides that, there was a huge chance Cas wouldn't believe him. It wasn't a risk Dean was willing to take.

"How was your weekend?" Castiel asked, clearly fishing for information about last night. They usually called or texted each other when they were apart. They always answered their phones as quickly as they could. Dean expected Castiel to be suspicious, but he couldn't tell him and it tore him apart.

"Good," Dean said, creating as much distance between them without being obvious. Being near Cas hurt too much. Dean couldn't do it. He was supposed to savor this moment, this last day, but it was too difficult. Dean wanted to pull him close but push him away at the same time. It wasn't fair to Cas; loving someone who would never be good enough. Cas deserved so much more. Cas must know that as well.

"What's wrong with you?!" Castiel suddenly snapped, stopping Dean in his tracks. All eyes turned to them, trying to figure out what happened. Dean was shocked, to say the least, Castiel had never raised his voice, not to him.

"Everything," Dean whispered, his throat constricted by tears and turned away, disappearing into the sea of people.

Castiel couldn't concentrate on the words his teacher was saying. Not after the hallway incident.

Dean was acting weird and Cas should have seen it coming. With someone like Dean; a huge flirt who is charismatic and incredibly attractive, it was just a matter of time. Cas couldn't tell if he was mad at Dean or himself for not guarding his heart as well as he should have.

There was always something going on between them, Lisa and Dean. She was popular and beautiful and Cas, well, he wasn't. It would only be natural for Lisa and Dean to get together some day. But the worst part? Dean didn't even care enough to tell him. Cas thought he meant more, especially after... No, he wasn't going to think of that night. Losing his virginity to a guy who didn't even love him was bad enough, thinking about it would only make it worse.