Blue Eyes

Chapter 20: Just Let Me Explain

Castiel had vowed to himself that he would never let Dean Winchester hurt him again. Yet, here he is, on the cold hard floor, the tear streaks on his cheeks drying. He didn't know how long he was sitting there, he just felt numb all over.

They didn't talk, not properly. Cas still didn't know entirely what happened that one day in senior year. It happened ten years ago, but it still felt like it happened yesterday. Especially when that day usually haunted his dreams and turned them into nightmares. More than once he woke up in a cold sweat, tears flowing freely. He blamed Dean for this pain, but in the end, he never stopped loving him. It was probably not the healthiest relationship, but it was one of the truest.

'If I see him again, I'll invite him back. Talk it out this time,' Castiel promised himself, feeling his breathing calm down. With these words in mind, he stood from the floor, rubbed his bum as it hurt from the time he spend crying against the front door and poured himself a glass of water. He gulped it down with a sudden urgency he couldn't place.

****

Dean hit the steering wheel of the Impala with a great force, nearly setting off the horn. He mumbled a quick apology to Baby, it wasn't her fault.

He should have told Cas. He should have told him about the whole hunter thing. But putting Cas in some kind of danger with this knowledge was almost worse than losing him. Almost. In the end, if Cas did forgive him after an explanation, he would always be there to protect Cas.

Dean gripped his hair in frustration. What was he supposed to do? Why couldn't life be easy for once? He knew telling the truth was dangerous and there was a huge possibility Cas would never believe him. But what if he did? What if Cas believed him and he understood why all of this happened? Dean would be there, he could protect Cas against every kind of evil there. Even if they were just friends, not even lovers... Hell, they could be strangers for all Dean cared, if Cas knew, Dean could keep him safe; teach him all about the supernatural and how to defend himself.

Maybe telling him wasn't so bad after all.

Dean vowed to himself that once he saw Cas again, he would tell him the truth. He figured he owed him that much. Besides, there was a small chance Cas understood and forgave him for everything. Dean was willing to take the risk.

****

With a town like this, the two of them meeting again was bound to happen someday. Funnily enough, it was in the same damn supermarket.

Cas's eyes widened when he noticed the familiar leather jacket. He tried to hide, he really did, but because of his natural clumsiness, he bumped against some boxes of cereal and watched them fall in horror. Dean, with the senses of a hunter, turned around immediately, ready to take on anything that was about to attack him.

Well, he was ready for almost anything. Not Castiel with his huge almost innocent blue eyes and as always tousled hair. Not Cas who was looking at him as if he was about to either throw up or faint.

Dean couldn't bring out any words, just kept staring into those eyes he started loving all of those years ago. It was Castiel who spoke up first, his eyes averting from Dean's, instead staring at the mess on the dirty supermarket floor.

"Hello, Dean."

"Hey, Cas," Dean replied, sighing at himself. He remembered what he had promised himself. He had to do this, even if it was the last thing he did. "Could we maybe-"

"We need to-"

They spoke at the same time, Dean smiling and Castiel blushing. It was almost as if they were back in high school when Dean smirking at Cas and Castiel smiling because of it was a usual thing. Now, it felt familiar, yet completely foreign at the same time.