Little Things (1D Fanfic)©

Chapter 26

I stared with wide eyes at Zayn as he sat in the seat across from me. It seemed like no one else had heard what Zayn had said to me. I wasn’t all that positive I heard right either. Zayn raised his head to look at me, and scowled once again.

Everyone was scarfing their meals down, laughing and chattering. Zayn and Perrie were cutely feeding each other, while Danielle was launching a hot dog at Liam’s face. Harry and Niall were deep in conversation, and Louis was just normally eating.

I fought back the tears. I was stronger now, I told myself. I can handle this. But as Perrie turned to tell Danielle something, Zayn caught my eye and mouthed to me. Fat.

I couldn’t help it. I pushed my plate away from me and powerwalked back into the house, ignoring the stares and calls. I fled to my room, slamming the door behind me. I collapsed on the bed, staring at the blank ceiling.

Part of me wanted to go back to my old ways. To go and live in despair and to scar my skin to distract me from the pain life handed me daily. But the other half was happy that One Direction and the girlfriends were here. Most of them were trying to help me get healthy again, and I would be forever grateful for that. As much as I believed I didn’t want the help, I knew that deep down I was happy. They had saved me, and no amount of words could even begin to describe that. Even when I was feeling depressed or harmful, they would come and make me smile and laugh and just forget about my horrible life.

It scared me that I had two personalities right now. There was the one that wanted the pain and the tears and the hatred. But the other was enjoying the love and the laughter. And the scary part was that…

I didn’t know which part to listen too.

I rubbed my stomach. I had only taken one bite of pizza, and I already felt a pound heavier. My stomach bulged out more than usual, and a tear dripped down my cheek. How would anyone in the theater ever accept a chubby girl like me? They would assign me to play the fat fairy godmother instead of the beautiful princess. How would Louis ever love me? After doing research, I knew that Eleanor had been a beautiful, skinny model. A troll like me could never compare to her.

I felt the sickening feeling in my stomach, and I got up and sprinted to the bathroom, collapsing over the toilet. With shaking fingers, I made myself gag, and then I felt the vile acid run up my throat. For about ten minutes, I threw up my scarce meal, feeling subconsciously better afterwards.

I leaned against the cool bathroom wall, my head swaying. I forgot what this feeling felt like. By instinct, I started to check the cupboards and drawers for something sharp. “It’s all gone,” I mumbled to myself, feeling myself go a little mad.

“What’s all gone?” I heard a voice ask. I whipped my head around, my eyes settling on a concerned Louis.

“My toothpaste. My breath is awful after that hot dog,” I lied.

“Liar,” Louis accused. “You didn’t touch your hot dog. You only had some pizza.”

“Right, I meant pizza,” I corrected, standing up. Feeling a little woozy, I gripped the countertop, my knuckles turning white from my grip.

“Cam, are you okay?” Louis asked worriedly, placing his hand on my waist to steady me.

“I don’t-,” I whispered before everything went black.

~~~

I woke up to a blinding light. I groaned, and then I heard someone move next to me. “Cam?” a soft voice asked anxiously. “What’s wrong?”

“Light,” I muttered softly. The person next to me shifted, and then the light was gone, along with most of the noise drifting from afar. I blinked rapidly, adjusting to the darkness. My eyes spotted an outline, and I squinted my eyes to make out more detail.