Little Things (1D Fanfic)©

Chapter 18

**Cammie's P.O.V**

My heart froze. He knew. The words echoed in my mind, swirling around and blurring any other thought I had. He knew. How could he possibly know? I was so careful. I suddenly wished that I wasn't here right now. I wished that Harry wasn't here. I wished that my brother had never come home and brought the boys with him. Little good has come out of them being here. So far, Danielle and Niall knew I cut. Harry knew I cut and had an eating disorder. Who's next, world?

"Cammie," Harry pressed gently. "Do you?"

"Yeah," I whispered, but I knew he had heard me judging by the way he tightened his arms around me.

"No, Cam, you can't," he said, denying the obvious truth.

"I do, Haz."

"Why?" he wondered, his voice cracking again.

"Because I'm fat, and this will make me prettier. I'm worthless, and this will make me worthwhile," I told him in monotone. I knew what was coming next; the lecture about how I'm "beautiful" and "not fat." How it's just an "illusion of my mind." The one that insists beauty on the inside is what counts, and it's not about how much makeup you wear or how much you weight.

But that was all bullshit.

I was ugly on the outside and on the inside.

"Cam, no you're not," Harry insisted. "Why do you think that?"

"I dunno, Harry. Ask Liam. Or Zayn for that matter," I spat.

Harry sighed. "They didn't really mean it. They both feel terrible about the past. Liam personally came to me the first night we stayed here and cried to me about how much he regretted it, and how he was positive you were never going to forgive him."

"Why would they both say something they didn't mean? And besides, Liam apologized," I said, emphasizing Liam's name.

Harry stiffened, and stroked my back soothingly. It seems my argument made him speechless, and I didn't know if I was happy or sad about that yet. Or both. Maybe I was both happy and sad that I had won this argument. I scooted closer to him, laying my head on his chest.

"Can you take me away from here, please?" I requested softy. I felt Harry nod and pick me up, carrying me out of the bathroom. A minute later, I felt something soft under my bum, and realized he had brought me into the living room. I released him from my iron grip and focused my gaze on the television, which was now rolling the credits to Peter Pan.

Harry switched the channel, and The Avengers popped up. He lowered the volume so that it was barely heard in the background, and I settled back into the couch and watched the moving pictures with no interest. Harry had disappeared into the kitchen a few minutes ago, and was not returning to me with a steaming plate of chicken parm from the night before.

I gave him a look. It was the one that read, "That better be for you, because I'm not eating it."

"Cam, please. You gotta eat something and hold it down," Harry pleaded. I shook my head violently like a child refusing to go to bed. "Cam, please." He was begging now. I made the mistake of looking up at him. Hi eyes were red and puffy from the crying. His nose was a little runny and rosy on the tip, and their was slight tinge to his cheeks from held back emotions. His curls were wild, making it obvious that he had been running his hand through them a lot.

My heart dropped to my stomach as I realized that this was all my fault. I caused his tears and his messy appearance and his begging. Me. It was all my fault. And that guilt is was brought me to opening my mouth slightly.

Harry grinned like a little boy on Christmas, and didn't hesitate to lightly place a forkful of chicken into my mouth. I chewed lightly, not used to eating at all. Flavor from the chicken danced across my tongue, and my mouth savored it. I could almost taste all the calories packed into it, however. But I pushed those thoughts away. If I thought like that, I'd surely spit the chicken out and refuse to take another bite. I swallowed, and squeezed my eyes shut a little, mixed emotions running through my body at the action. Harry smiled even wider when he heard me swallow.

"The sauce is so flavorless," I joked, and Harry chuckled at my attempt.

"I know. Liam said that too last night." he agreed, feeding me some pasta this time.

Harry fed me about half of the dish before I told him I was full. He nodded and quickly ate the rest, knowing that he had to take baby steps with this. He should be proud that he got me to eat half a dish. He finished the last bit, placing the dirty dish on the coffee table and relaxing back into the sofa, pulling me into his side.

"I'm gonna help you get better, Cammie," he promised in a soft yet determined voice.

I nodded, emotionally drained from the day. "Can you promise me something else too?"

"Within reason," he compromised.

"Can this be our secret?" I released with a sharp breath.

"Cammie-."

"Please! I promise to tell the others when I get better!"

"What if they realize what's wrong before you get better? Or what if I can't get you better?" he asked, starting to doubt himself.

"You will get me better. I trust you, Haz. And if worse comes to worse, we'll tell the others sooner than expected."

"But what about Liam? He's your brother. He deserves to know. Cam, this is huge!"

"No! I don't want anyone else to know and fuss over it and everything! Especially Liam!" I shouted. "Please," I said, letting my voice soften.

Harry finally nodded reluctantly, and I gave him a kiss on the cheek in thanks. I pulled away, and his green eyes met my brown ones. His were so bright and happy and full of life. I realized I was happy that Harry was here to help me, compared to being miserable and regretful of Harry staying with us. He was going to make me healthy, and maybe more confident along the way. In that moment, I said goodbye to the old, depressed vulnerable Cameron Payne, and I welcomed the new, healthy confident one.

Hopefully this works, or I'd be more broken then ever before.

Stop! I pushed the negative thoughts from my mind, and focused on Harry's bright green eyes instead. They glistened with joy and determination, and the sight of them put a smile on my face.

Before I knew it, I was leaning in again.

And he was leaning in too.

*************

Hey, just a quick little chapter. I feel bad about making you guys wait like a month, so here's my gift to you.

Happy Birthday!

Who's birthday, you ask?

It's somebody's. Somewhere.

PLEASE VOTE/COMMENT!!!

PLEASE!

WITH MARCEL, LEEROY, JONNY, HARVEY, AND VERONICA ON TOP?!

~Sydney :)