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She Loved Me...

I was out there on the swings in the park. I swayed slowly.

She loved swinging here.

She loved me. I scoffed at the thought. I'm an idiot. I grinned like an idiot. Tears fell down my idiotic face.

It was my fault. Was I really that selfish?

I didn't answer that question. I just continued to swing in the cool air. I didn't want to think. I just looked out at the scenery of the park.

Cars drove by the park. Clouds were filling up the sky. It was covering the blue sky.

Krysta was like the sun to my life. I could be real and free around her, and I ruined it.

No... I didn't want to think about it.

I started to tremble. It wasn't from the cold. It was from me crying, but I was still smiling.

She loved me.

But I betrayed her. I layed her problems all out in front of her, and I added to her problems.

I wished it was night time. Krysta wasn't the sun. She was the starry night, beautiful like the stars. She was there for me when I wasn't. I took it for granted. I wanted to apologized. I cried through my tears, "I'm so sorry. I love you so much. I'm so so sorry!"

I just wanted someone to love me for me. She was the only one who could. No one treated me real like she did. I was making excuses. "I'm an idiot."

"I want her back." I cried.

"Too late."

I turned around seeing Nick. His eyes were red. He said with tear falling to the ground, "I tried to help her, but I was too weak. I blame you... but I blame everyone else for not being there for her... I even blame myself."

My heart dropped at his last statement. He was there by her side most of the time. She was so supportive. I was the horrible person! I didn't act like her friend around everyone at school. I hid behind a stupid innocent face. He was the real one! He didn't have to hide behind a fake face.

I mumbled crying, "You're an idiot. You took care of her. You did enough."

Nick sat on the swing beside me. He sniffed and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He asked, "Did you know why we always chose to go out at night time?"

I asked still trembling, "Why?"

Nick gently smiled up with a look filled with nostalgia, "She loved the look of the twilight. The stars appearing at the sky always amazed her. She loved swinging and pretending that she was flying in the sky." He chuckled, but it was more of a sobby laugh. "She was so content with the sky and it's beauty."

Suddenly, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I cried harder. "It's all my fault. I kept making more excuses and blocking out my stupid conscious. I knew she hated me. She must've hated me in the end. I took away the beauty of the sky from her."

"No," Nick said. "She did say that she loved you. She did just yesterday. She was willing to forgive you, but..." He stopped talking. He seemed to have slipped up on something. What was he hiding?

"What?" I urged.

"Nothing." Nick said quickly.

"Nick," I demanded. "Tell me."

Nick shook his head. "She told me... before we finally split ways. I should've saw this as a sign. I could've saved her." His voice dropped to a whisper. "She said... 'Maybe everything would be so much better if I was out of the way, don'tcha think?' She said it with such a genuine smile."

I gasped. It seemed like the whole world paused in place. She said that?

"But," Nick said. "She told me to tell you that she loved you. Yesterday. She said that she loved you as a friend."

Krysta didn't tell me she felt that way. She could've told me! Right?... No, she couldn't trust me. I betrayed her. I didn't even hang out with her on the daily basis like Nick. I stayed with the enemy, the bullies. I just wish that I could've told her I'm sorry, but it was too late.

I was still crying.

Nick said with a sniff, "Krysta wanted us to stay friends in the end. Despite my protests, she insisted that we stay together. Kai, she didn't hate you. She forgave you."

She loved me.

"Nor do I," Nick added to my thoughts. As usual, he knew what I was thinking. He got off of the swing and got in front of me. He wrapped his arms around me and embraced me in a hug.

I continued crying into his shoulder the words over and over again, "I'm so sorry."