Unwonted (Niall Horan)

Chapter 20 ~ Goodbye

Chapter 20 ― Goodbye

There’s something odd with Alex. We’re having a wonderful time together and I’m really happy with her, but sometimes she stays staring at me like she thinks I’m gonna disappear the next second. The way she looks at me makes no sense, because I won’t go anywhere. I know that she will go back to classes and I have to start working on the second album with the lads, but that doesn’t mean we won’t see each other again. I know she is scared that things will be harder, but I have faith that we’ll make it through.

As the day when she has to go back to classes approaches, I notice how Alex is growing more anxious and by the night before she goes back, I see there’s not only fear but also sadness, a deep sadness that breaks my own heart.

“You okay, babe?” I ask but she avoids me so I walk up to her and make her face me. “You’ve been acting weird the whole day. Are you nervous for tomorrow?” I ask although I know it’s not that. “Love, tell me. You know you can tell me everything. I don’t like it when you shut me out.”

“I didn’t want this day to come,” Alex whispers and I get a bit scared, she sounds so ominous. “I dreaded it since we went on tour with you.” And now I get it. She is still afraid because we won’t be able to spend as much time together as before.

“Oh, don’t worry, babe. We’re gonna make it work, I told you this before. We’ve done quite well with keeping you safe from paparazzi, I think we can do this!” I smile at her because it’s true, we’ve done great with that. They don’t really harass her and they just accepted that Alex is a normal girl.

“It’s not that,” she corrects me and I tense, getting worried again.

“Then what is it?” I ask. Alex looks so sad, so heartbroken but why? Why doesn’t she believe in us?

“Being with you has been the most wonderful experience. This has been the best summer of my life,” she starts and I know there’s a but coming, I feel it in every part of my body and I dread it.

“But?” I add ever so softly.

“But we can’t be together anymore. Not because I don’t want to, oh God, being with you is what I desire the most, but our lives aren’t compatible, Niall. You’re an ultra famous popstar and I’m no one. You have to travel around the world whilst I stay here, studying. How can we be together when we won’t be able to see each other? When you’ll have to fight to keep me in the shadows?”

Then she drops the bomb. This is what she’s been thinking all the time, seeing an expiration date for us all the time. I’ve always believed we can do it, I’ve felt from the beginning that Alex is perfect for me and we belong together. I love her with all I have… how can she think this? She is not even trying!

“We can manage something,” I try because I can’t accept this. “You can’t give up on us that easily.”

“It’s not easy, not at all! It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it’s what I have to do. What we have to do. We can’t be together and I know you can see it, too. I don’t belong in your world, Niall.” But you belong with me! I shout in my mind. “I can’t be part of it.” Alex’s voice breaks at the end, as much as my own heart is breaking with her words.

I take her face, making her see me as I say: “No, I won’t let you give up on us.”

“It’s not giving up, Niall, it’s being realistic,” she insists cupping my face. “This summer was… unique, but it has to end. It already ended.”

“No, Alex, no!” I shout this time. It’s not over, it hasn’t ended. Our story hasn’t ended. “We can make it work. Liam and Louis do that, what makes us different?”