Unwonted (Niall Horan)

Chapter 21 ~ Together

Chapter 21 ― Together

“Niall, put that guitar aside. We’re going out,” Louis demands but I don’t pay attention to the Doncaster boy. I’m drowning in my own misery and I don’t have plans of leaving this stage. This is all I have now and if I wanna be a drama queen, the world should allow me so. I need to mourn.

Alex hasn’t called me. She hasn’t answered my calls or my texts. She doesn’t wanna see me. For her it’s over and I’m dying here without her. I’m not exaggerating, I feel a hole in my chest that’s consuming me from inside. It’s like every part of my body misses her and I never thought someone could feel this way. I never thought I could feel like this. How can I go back to a life without Alex when I had her? When I know what it feels to be with her? I can’t, I simply can’t go back to that. But Alex doesn’t want me anymore, she’s determined that our story is over. And I’m trapped in Australia to do some promo and performances before we go back and she’s already in Uni and I don’t know what to do.

Instead, I’m just playing every single sad song I know and I can relate too. I’ve even worked on some songs for her that I think may end up in our second album. There’s one called Summer Love.

“NIALL!” Louis shouts, now taking the guitar from my hands. “Stop this. You need to cheer up. C’mon, you even look like a zombie in the interviews. You can’t be like this.”

“I can’t help it,” I reply turning to my side so I can’t face it, but he moves. Ugh! “Leave me alone, Louis.”

“No. We’re gonna go out. You’ll be fine. A couple of drinks will make you feel better, you’ll see.”

I roll my eyes. I don’t think alcohol will fill the hole in my chest. I look at him over my shoulder. “You won’t leave me alone if I don’t go, will you?” Louis shakes his head and I groan as leave the sofa in my room. “Fine, but don’t ask me to change or anything. I’m not going ‘cos I wanna go.”

Louis just smiles and drags me out of the room while I fight hard not to drag my feet. I try to look alive, but I don’t think I’m succeeding. The other lads join us as well and we all go to some bar. They keep saying that I’m better like this, that I don’t need Alex and that a couple of drinks will help me to forget her, but I don’t even have the energy to snap at them. How can I be better without her? That’s not possible.

Even though, I drink and drink and drink. I lose track of all the beers that the barman’s handed me and I don’t feel better. I feel worse with all the alcohol bubbling inside. I feel like I’m choking and I end up running outside the bar. The hole in my chest has a name and I have to scream it out loud.

“ALEX!” I shout to the whole town, not minding anyone or anything. “Aleeeeex!” People stare at me with fear and confusion, but they don’t understand. No one understands.

I need her to listen, to realise that this is a big mistake. But there’s no answer, I keep shouting her name but I hear nothing. The lads come after me and I beg them to leave me because I know that if I could only make her listen to me, I could change her mind. I keep shouting her name until I don’t know what else happens. I drank too much. The last thing I remember is Liam saying “this’s gone too far. We need to do something.”

+ + + + +

Back in England at least I don’t go shouting her name because I got drunk, but I don’t even try to call her again. The lads made me record a video of me singing for her, they told me I needed to let go of my emotions and that was a good way to do so. I’m not sure. I’m still at home, trying to figure out what to do.