for phoebe

6 : awkward

Okay, so I'd like to let you know how fucking awkward I can be. I mean, I don't do it on purpose, it just happens. One minute I can say some witty comeback, and the next, I'm stuttering through my barely spoken words.

Twenty sixteen has been interesting for me. For one, I've become more awkward than I used to be. Well, maybe? Who knows.

I've also gotten through a pretty decent amount of shit that the 'old' me probably wouldn't be able to handle. The old me wasn't very strong herself, but that's besides the point.

I'm awkward, yes. But I pride myself in my writing. I tend to write about people, on purpose most times. It used to just slip into my writing subconsciously, but lately I've deliberately written about certain people. Maybe it's just this style of writing, because it's only in for phoebe and none of my other works.

Even in these past month I've met some people that inspire me, it's insane, but not it the bad way. There's this girl even, and she has so much light in her. That might not make sense, but whenever I write about her I relate her to the Sun. I wish I could pinpoint why I do that.

There's also this guy I met maybe two weeks ago. I was talking to you about him in chapter four, and he reminds me so damn much of the him I related him to in that chapter. I accidentally hit him a few days ago when we were with a group of friends (my friend was carrying me around in her arms lol) and I felt so bad. I put my hand where I hit him and he just said that it was okay. I hugged him for some reason, I don't know. He really does remind me of that 'him' character I told you about. His eyes are incredibly blue, and I'm not sure why, but he seemed frustrated when this guy in our group of friends I didn't know, kept talking to me for a good amount of the night. I bet I'm just delusional, sorry. I'm coming down from my high.

The 'you' I keep mentioning is Phoebe, or the reader in a way. I didn't want anyone to get confused on that. This book is still a mess.

-for phoebe