for phoebe

9 : back to back

You know what? Fuck you.

I've put in months of my time into you. Months of me putting you as my top priority and I get this? I understand I'm sounding bitter, but you'll most likely never read this. Maybe I'm just hurting, but who the fuck cares.

Yeah I ended things with you a few months ago, but you came crawling back to me, remember?

Granted, I was a fool for letting you slip back into my life, but to practically beg for me back and say you need time for yourself in the end of it? Seriously?

All I can say is that it's like you're a different person now. All I've done was my best for you. I've sacrificed so much time for you, and I can't tell if any of it was worth it.

It all feels like one big blur of love sick gaudiness and craving for you. I saw you twice in all that time, which as a matter of fact makes me wonder if you ever really wanted me.

I guess I'll always have that floating in the back of my head.

I am done with you, I'll tell you that. No matter how many times you come crawling back, I'm not letting you back into my head. I've done it too many times before without realizing I'll always get the same outcome. Which, isn't ever what I hope it'll be. I wish you the best, although you've put me through hell. I hope you can find someone who you'll commit to and that you'll be able to love the way that I loved you.

- for the girl who took over my mind

Authors note : This is in no way towards Phoebe, okay? I needed to get all of this out and I haven't written in quite some time. I wrote this to the girl from chapter 5 if you were wondering. She's found someone now from what I've seen, so I hope that turns out alright for her. I love you guys, really, but it's extremely late and I haven't been able to process anything quite right these last few months. I'm sorry.