The Unexpected

Ch 19 - Homesick

Chapter 19 - Homesick

The next while living on the bus passed a lot like the first, although I didn’t know what day it was or where we were most of the time. The setup, rehearsals, performances and travel became a routine that didn’t change. My routine only modified slightly with my daily phone calls home after my realization and talk with Kate. I woke up in the mid-morning, got ready, hung out with whoever happened to litter our bus, and then when we returned from our performance I would call my mum and Kate and sleep.

On the three week mark of our tour it was announced that we would be staying in a hotel for three nights, to have a break from the bus and because we were doing multiple performances in this particular town. I was ecstatic; the thought of a real shower and bed was amazing. I was excited up to the point where we were in the lobby and it was announced we would be roomed in groups of two.

Derek and Alex were paired together, while I was paired with the boy’s stylist, Lou.

I was slightly uneasy with the arrangement, I liked Lou and we could almost be considered friends, but sharing a room was different.

Lou seemed excited about us sharing a room and I tried to share her enthusiasm. When we settled in the room conversation was easy with her and we both took turns taking a shower. Everything was going alright until she fell asleep and I was left to my thoughts.

I couldn’t fall asleep. I identified the feeling in my stomach to be homesickness. I hadn’t been this homesick all tour, I thought it was because I was adjusting well to the travel – but I discovered it was because I had Derek and Alex with me. When I had the two boys that were so close they were my family in everything but blood I felt like I had my home with me.

I thought about calling them, or my mum or Kate but it was much too late. I settled for sitting by the window staring out onto the empty street. On this window sill overlooking a deserted street in a hotel in the middle of God knows where, I felt as if home were years away. The walls seemed darker, and even with Lou sleeping on the other side of the room I felt alone. I missed my room with its painted blue walls. I missed my mum and her cheery way of waking me up every morning. I missed Derek and Alex’s apartment. I missed my friends from home.

Sometime I had started crying, the hot tears running down my face. I hugged my legs to my chest and peered over my knees outside. The streets were dark and seemed so cold here, nothing like the trees I could see from my window at home.

I looked around the hotel room with its generic setup. There was a TV, two beds, a dresser and a washroom. It seemed so empty, there was no personnel touch. The paintings on the wall designed to add décor to the room only seemed to accent its emptiness.

Suddenly the silence and coldness of this room was too much for me. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest and my breathing became labored. I couldn’t take it, I felt like I was suffocating; I had to leave.

With my heart still pounding I crept to the door, trying not to wake Lou. I flinched at the sound the door made while it opened and tried to close it lightly behind me. I took a breath once in the hall, it was not as suffocating as the hotel room, but the sole thought on my mind was to find Derek and Alex.

I stood in the hallway trying to picture which room they had walked into. I narrowed down the rooms until I was sure they were in either then room two doors to my right or the one after that. After changing my mind multiple times, I decided to try my luck with the closest door.

I stood in front of the door, hand poised to knock for a while feeling awful about being about to wake them up. I almost turned around but the thought of returning to the hotel room made my hands start to shake. I let my hand fall and knock hesitantly against the door, tears still coming down my cheeks. I heard shuffling at the other side of the door and held my breath.