Can't Get Enough

9.

9.

"You know you're trespassing, right?"

Zayn folded his arms and leaned against my wall. He looked really attractive-but what I learned about him recently made him look disgusting.

"Your mom let me in. Sweet lady. So bubbly." He shrugged.

How is he taking the fact the fact that he's been in my house for god knows how long so lightly? Knowing I'm friends with his girlfriend?

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright." He mumbled, looking at the ground. "But you look pretty alright to me."

I sighed, exasperated.

"Where do I even begin, Zayn? First, you lie to me and your best friend about your true intentions of picking me up, then you openly flirt with me instead of being loyal to your girlfriend, who is completely in love with you by the way, and now you're in my house, lying to my mother about who you are! Are you trying to ruin my life or something? Because you're doing a flawless job!" My voice rose with the last sentence.

"I can't believe you're wearing his shirt. You slept with him, didn't you?" He looked out of my bedroom window.

"That's not the point, Zayn!" I shrieked. He cooly looked at me and I saw a world of pain and emotion in his eyes, which stung me like a bee. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. Understanding exams was way easier than understanding this guy..

"Sit down," I patted my bed. He reluctantly unfolded his arms and sat down next to me and propped an elbow on his denim-clad leg.

"What's going on, Zayn?" I asked in a calmer voice. I saw his chin tremble.

"You're the only one who understands." His voice cracked at the end of his sentence.

"What it's like...to see your friend lying there, motionless...it's like a part of you dies as well." A tear fell from his eyes.

"Perrie and Jesy drink so much, I love her so much, but I'm distancing myself because I'm scared. I don't want her to drink herself to death...and I have to go through that again." More slow tears.

"I'm drawn to you, Leila. I thought if I got you crazy messed up, you'd go back to your studying and stop impacting my life so much. I thought smoking would keep us closer, I don't know. I want to keep a tight grip on you, I just...you're so special." Rapid tears now.

"I fucked things up with Harry. I thought I was doing the right thing by keeping you around, but I'm ruining your lives instead of saving them. I'm jealous of what you and Harry have. I'm a mess." He sniffled.

I was so moved I didn't know what to say. I'd never seen a man so fragile. Battling with himself.

"I can't escape..." He whispered. I reached over and hugged him with all my might, rocking back and forth a bit.

"Leila, I'm so-"

"Shhh." I held him while he broke down and sobbed.

"With your feet in the air, your head on the ground," I softly sang.

"Try this trick and spin it, yeah." I continued.

"Your head will collapse, but there's nothing in it, and you ask yourself:"

"Where is my mind?" Zayn whispered. I let go of him and my hands on his shoulders. Four brown eyes bore into each other. One pair blurred with tears, one pair blurred with pain.

"Apologize to Harry. He'll come around." He nodded and fished in his jeans and the green object that emerged surprised.

"I need to unwind, please don't lecture me." His voice cracked unevenly.

"Only if you share," I half-smiled.

I cracked open a window so the smell would disperse quicker and we lit up, cares disappearing with the smoke.

--

"What if you were to die tomorrow, and this would be the day you were remembered by?"

Zayn and I were lying on my bedroom floor, opposite each other, staring at the ceiling. We were on cloud high, my mom thankfully not home yet. My mind kept running to that question Harry asked me.

"Would you be proud that you were spending it high as a kite with me?"

He was silent for a moment.

"Leila, I would be honored to die tomorrow. Having you being my last memory is the best the best way to leave this cruel world. You make it less shittier. You remind me what a friend is. I can like you when I'm sober." He chuckled.

"You're just a real chilled out person. What about you? Would you be proud that you're spending it with a fuck-up like me?"

"Yeah, cause at least I can say that I learned to live."

There's something about marijuana that entices me. I don't understand how it's so bad for you but makes you feel so good. It's illegal, but the way people get it might as well be legal.

Every time I want to stop, I'm drawn right back to it, and I can't get enough.

Deep chapter, eh? I thought I'd expand on Zayn's character more. I've kept Lei's appearance I secret, I wanna let you guys imagine her. Is she a skinny blonde? Bigger redhead? You? Whichever, I hope you can relate to her some way. Update tomorrow (: XO

Edit-the version of Where Is My Mind I imagine Lei singing is the Sunday Girl cover. The original is a bit too strong for this scene, haha.