Can't Get Enough

15.

15.

(I advise you listen to the "Where Is My Mind" cover by Sunday Girl before reading.)

This scene was all too familiar to me.

*flashback*

Sent to voicemail. Again. And again. On ring 35, she picked up.

"Stop calling me!"

And then hung up.

I threw my phone down in anger. I pulled over my mom's escalade to the side of the freeway-I could tell I was angry and I was not yet legal to drive. I turned on the radio to try and calm myself. Instantly a familiar piano drifted in through the surround sound and I heard a gentle voice.

"Ooooh..."

My heart clenched.

"With your feet in the air and your heart on the ground. Try this trick, and spin it, yeah."

My thoughts drifted back to when she told me she loved me and the tears unleashed themselves. I sat, staring blankly ahead in the snow, wanting to wrap myself in it's blanket.

"Your head will collapse, and there's nothing in it and you'll ask yourself-"

"Where is my mind, now?" I shakily said. "Where the fuck is my mind?! Where is it, Leila?!"

The anxiety took over.

*end of flashback*

This scene was all too familiar to me. Hastily saying goodbye to my drunken friends, I half stumbled, half ran to my car. I was sobering up-hopefully in a well enough condition to drive.

I slammed the door and started my car. The lofty voice of Sunday Girl rang through the speakers.

"Ooooooh...."

The memories flooded back to me and that was all it took. There were so many tears by the time I realized there were tears my shirt was very damp. My elbows were propped on the steering wheel and hands were gripped in my hair while the anxiety took over my body. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't stop.

"Stop it Harry." I tried to think.

"You can't do this." I thought to myself.

"You can make it through. Without her. Without her. No you can't. You big screw up. You're going to die alone because everyone hates you, big piece of-"

"AAAAAAARGHHHH!!!" I filled my car with the sounds of my anguish. Heavy breaths consumed me.

"Where is my mind? Oooh....." As the song came to a close, slowly my attack did the same.

I sat there, blankly staring ahead, tears running down my chin and dropping on the neckline of my shirt.

I hate myself.

"You can change, I believe in you." Her sweet, pure voice rang through my head.

"Harry, if I'm ever in trouble, you're the only one I want to come save me. Promise?"

I promised you, Leila. I won't give up on you.

I carefully drove to where I knew she'd be, thanking God it was a Friday night and I was finished with all my homework.

--

Our town park was rarely visited. Kids nowadays don't go outside. But I knew one person who be there in the dead of night, on a random chilly November Friday. Swinging on her swing, racing through those complex thoughts in her mind.

I came up from behind, watching her lean frame swing weakly back and forth on the faded painted rubber seat. The metals creaked heavily, having not been used in ages. I came up beside her.