Can't Get Enough

18.

18.

"I'm in love with you." The more I said the words out loud, the more they fit together. The more we fit together. I am thoroughly convinced that Leila and I are destined to be together. Even though we fight like enemies and lie like failures. All signs point to us not working out--maybe even Leila was starting to believe it--but I couldn't let us go. Every great love story was built on a world of doubt. I turned over and tried to get some sleep, but my sheets still smelled like her. I cuddled a pillow with the jacket she left behind on it-the closest I had to her.

--

"I don't know why you waste so much time on the bitch, you could easily have any girl in the school. Remember sophomore year? You were shacking up hoes every weekend." Louis was nagging on me again at lunch. It had been two weeks since our blowout, December had started. My least favorite month. Everything always goes wrong in December.

"What did we use to call him again? It was like, uh..."

"Cherry Poppin' Harry." Liam chimed in.

I grimaced at that nickname while the table erupted into laughter.

"Oh c'mon, Styles. We're only fuckin with ya," Zayn tried to cheer me up, eyes bloodshot.

Perrie looked uncomfortable next to him.

"I don't think you should give up on love, Harry." She said quietly.

"What, you think it's love?" Zayn asked her, scoffing.

"And what if I know it's love?" Perrie was getting defensive.

"Chill out, I was only asking. Stay cool." He patted her shoulder and she looked away, annoyed.

--

I almost ran her over. Perrie should know better than to step in front of cars like that. She looked shaken.

I rolled down my window a bit, not to let the cold air in. The temperature had dropped dramatically while we were in school.

"Can you give me a ride home?" She said.

"What happened to Zayn?" I answered.

Her blue eyes turned cloudy and I unlocked the doors.

We were in her driveway when she finally said something.

"I love him, Harry. I do."

I nodded.

"And I know he loves me, but the question is, what does he love more?" I looked a her curiously.

"Isn't he right days clean?"

"Was."

I sighed. "Dammit Zayn." Perrie's eyes formed tears I knew were due to fall any minute. I wiped her eyes as soon as they started to drop. Then she started wailing so I held her close and stroked her hair.

"Pez, he's trying. He made progress, yknow?" She choked in between sobs.

"It's just so hard always being the support. We always fight, and I don't think I can do this, but I want to. For us. Forever."

Truer words have never been spoken. I thought about Leila and I as I shrugged off my coat-my car was really warm now. I started to help Perrie out of hers until she stopped me.

"No." She said.

"You're wearing long sleeves. You must be burning up."

"I'm fine."

"Perrie, I'm not trying to have sex with you, just take your coat off." I gently tugged at her arm and she resisted with such force, the contents of her pockets spilled out and her lap was greeted with a knife, a blade, and a small sheet of metal. I slowly put two and two together.

"Don't lecture me." She started. I slowly drew my attention up from her lap to her grief-stricken face.

"Pain just never wants to go away, does it?" I whispered. She nodded, tears falling from her eyes.

"Look at me, Pez."

She slowly turned her head and the look that greeted me made me want to love her forever.

"You're not alone. You are beautiful, and you can stop this."

She shook her head.

"It's not as easy as it looks."

"Obviously not. But if anyone can do it, it's us. The Anxiety and Cutting Duo. Able to get worked up and show the world." I got a smile. And we locked eyes.

Then I got a kiss. Slow and sensual, painful and meaningful.

And we locked our hearts with the secret we were about to keep.

Eventually, I turned the car heater off. It was about to get very hot in here.

--

"No one. Not a soul-"

"Not Zayn."

"Not Leila."

"She isn't speaking to me anyway."

"She misses you." Perrie hurriedly put her AC DC sweatshirt back on and tugged down the arms. I threw my cream knit sweater on and laughed out I spite.

"She misses me like you girls miss your period-thing every time it leaves." She laughed at that, looking at everything but me.

"Seriously though, keep it locked. That was a one time thing, friends there for a friend."

"If it helps, you're a decent shag with a condom."

"Oh thanks." She didn't sound very thankful. She put on her jeans and coat, gathered her book bag, and before she left, she said

"Leila really does miss you. For the past two girls' nights, you're all she talked about. Now I don't know what happened between you two a couple Decembers ago, but it seems to be holding her back on telling you something. Better get to her before Louis, though. I heard her and Jesy talking when they thought I was asleep. They're going to try needles next." Concerned, she hesitated for a moment, then went into her mansion.

Needles.

*flashback*

"I've killed him, mom! I didn't mean to, I swear!!"

My mom's shocked face said nothing.

"He had the injector, and I thought it was medicine, and he made me inject, and...now..." I burst into tears, my mom held me close.

"Never fall in love with a person who can't get enough, Harry." She whispered and I felt tears deep into my scalp.

It was December, and I had just unknowingly overdosed my father with a lethal mix of heroin and cocaine.

*end of flashback*

"Never fall in love with a person who can't get enough." I sighed. It was a little too late for that. As I pulled out of Perrie's driveway, I had no idea what to do next. Leila wouldn't listen to me. Louis would call me a fun-sucking bastard, and who knows what Jesy would do. Fight me to the ground, maybe.

The image of my father coughing up vomit and drugs in his office chair kept replaying in my mind. I can't let another one I love die when I could've changed the outcome. So I don't know how, but I'm going to save Leila from herself.

In a world full of nothing but a reason to kill yourself, you've got to find a double meaning lining those causes to keep you living.

And I've found mine.

Only a couple chapters till the end ): or I could prolong this, I have a few more Ideas to lay out. Let me know if you would rather want more chapters. And shout out to user wanweird___ for the dedication! Go read her fanfic "My Bully", it's great and it hasn't started yet (: XO