Fall (Bangtan Sonyeondan BTS Alternate Universe)

26. Mystery

When I woke up, Namjoon wasn't there. I felt cold without him there, and I shuddered, holding my arms around me. Why did Namjoon have the ability to make my life feel secure and warm and full? He was a drug dealer, and I was falling for him faster and faster, with every beat of my heart. Every hickey he left on my skin was a physical addition to the growing addiction that I had for him.

But this dream, it was heavy in my mind. My heart felt hollow at the knowledge I had received. But was I supposed to believe it? I mean, it had to have been just been a dream? I didn't believe in the whole prophecy thing. I didn't. I couldn't. It didn't make sense!

So then why did it feel like the puzzle pieces were slowly falling into place with each new dream?

I can't honestly be thinking that Jin is speaking to me. He's fucking gone. Whether he's dead or just far away, I don't know, but he's definitely gone and there's no plausible way that he could be communicating with me.

What, did I think he was haunting me? He didn't even know me, I never met him, so how would he know to contact me, if that was even possible? He wouldn't, therefore this whole thing had to be a hoax.

So then why do I feel like it's really him, and why do I feel like I should trust him? It's just a bloody dream for Hell's sake, why should I be investing so much thought into it? Why should it be keeping me up at night? Why should it be filling my mind a majority of the time?

It shouldn't! I just wanted a break, I wanted peace. I wanted to blissful ignorance that I used to have. I wanted everything to go back to being glamorously illegal, rather than this torturous mystery looming over my head like a black cloud, constantly storming over me.

What I had learned, if I was to believe that it was real, was that Namjoon and Jin must have known each other for a long time. I also learned that Namjoon could very well have been some rich boy living a lush, luxurious life with plenty of money.

But something about his life was dissatisfying and unbearable, and he was going to leave. Jin wanted to stop him, but Namjoon was insistent. So what was the problem in his life that was so bad that he had to run away from his privilege and become a gang lord living in a broken down building?

But then, what happened after the dream ended? Obviously Namjoon left, but was it then, or did he end up waiting? And did Jin come with him, or did they leave on separate paths, only to run into each other later?

And how did they know each other? Was Jin priveliged too? Or was he the son of someone who worked for Namjoon's family? Or did Jin directly work for the family?

There were so many possibilities, too many for me to handle, it made my head hurt.

I had absolutely no idea which one was true, and I couldn't just ask, because that would destroy Namjoon.

No, I had to find this out on my own. This one, this one was up to me.

I sit up stiffly, holding my head in my hands and staring at the pillows where Namjoon's head should be.

I didn't want to admit that his presence would be really comforting right now, but I knew it would be.

I ran a hand through my hair uneasily, a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something didn't feel right, that dream just left me with more questions than answers.

Not that it was even real, it couldn't be. Right? I don't know what to think, I don't know what to say, I don't know what to ask in order to know the truth. I don't even know if I want the truth at this point. It only causes complications in this life.

Asking questions is what gets you killed. It's better to mind your own damn business if you know what's good for you. But I never was one who was careful about stuff like that.

I walked into the world of pillow fluff, stale booze and confetti staining the floor in forced celebration.

J-Hope lay in the corner, sitting stiffly next to Jimin, neither looking like they even knew there were other people around. Both of them stared blankly at the wall, their heart's surely screaming in pain.

Star and Suga lay asleep on the couch, their faces inches from each other, their hands laid all over each other, their legs a tangle of limbs.

Angel and Jungkook were drinking in the chair, and Namjoon and V were sitting at a table, their faces serious as they spoke.

Seeing everyone like this, no music on, no wide grins or excited chatter, I finally realized just how much I was wrong about our lives. There was no glamour in this life.

It wasn't glamorous. It was hard. It was dangerous. It was taxing.

How had I been so swept up in the thrill of breaking the law to not notice how much we suffered because of it? How had I not noticed before how lost everyone was? I knew they were fucked up, but shit, I was too.

I walked over to the table, laying a hand on Namjoon's shoulder and seeing V's pained face.

His lips were pulled back to his gums, but it was not in a smile. He looked as if he was desperately trying to keep from crying.

"My dad is dead!" He slammed his fist on the table, his strip of his green-tinted hair falling into his eyes.

I stared at him, the breath caught in my throat.

His father was dead? How was I supposed to respond to this news?

Well hell, what had I expected, that his family to be perfect and well off with absolutely no problems? He was in a bloody gang, I couldn't have expected much joyous news in regards to his family.

Jimin had walked over, and he quickly jumped in, staring at me, a crazed look in his eyes.

"Ah, he means his dad is dead to him, not that he's actually dead. He's not, hah, he's not dead. I mean, we don't know anything about that of course."

As Jimin stumbled over his explanation, I looked to Namjoon, questions in my eyes.

He just shook his head at me and turned away.

My heart fell.

There was more going on here than I had bargained for.

I was still determined to find it out, but for now, I was tired.

All these dreams with Jin weren't giving me enough true rest. It seemed every time I slept I only got more and more exhausted, and I was driving myself thin with all this mystery.

I looked over to see Star and Suga still fast asleep, taking up the couch, and I was too lazy to walk back to the room.

After seeing that Namjoon was distracted, I took his arm in my hands, lifting it from the table so I could duck under it. Once I settled on his lap, I let go of his arm.

Instead of his arms returning to their grip on the table, they wrapped around me, holding me in his warm embrace.

Feeling the security of being in his arms, I felt safe from all the troubles and questions, and I allowed myself to let everything fall away so that I could sleep peacefully without any dreams or mysteries interrupting my rest.

Namjoon would protect me.