Carry On My Wayward Universe

Chapter 21

Ash:

"I'm sorry she yelled at you, I should have intervened saying it was my decision too." I quickly apologized after she left and Dean just shrugged. "Why do you think I was rolling my eyes, besides, it's nothing I haven't already yelled at myself already." He added, staring at the floor before trying to walk past me to his room and I caught his arm.

There was a pause and he looked at me, my voice was soft. "Don't beat yourself up. I wasn't hurt, and even if I were it wouldn't be your fault." "That's what I'm afraid of....losing control, being controlled, or leading you to a hunt that you be your last one." He murmured as he shook my hand off.

My first thought was that he would walk away, going to shut himself away in his room to battle with his storm of thoughts like he always did after things like this occurred. Things like his fights with his brother, John's death, (serves the bastard right, I'm still not over my grudge against Dean's father for how he treated his kids.) his friends death, Bobby's dying, the trials, his brother possibly dying for the last time, and all of the other thousands of problems the eldest Winchester had faced in his life.

Instead, he looked at me for a moment before wrapping an arm around my waist before pulling me into a deep kiss.

After what felt like years, but in reality was only seconds, he pressed his forehead against mine. "I don't want to lose you." "You will though, that's the precious thing about love. The inevitability of loss throughout it, we just happened to know when ours will be." I murmured, my voice seizing up and he let out a sigh. "That's why we have to make the most out of our time, save people, change their lives for the better, and raise some hell." I finished kissing him again, and I couldn't help but know that I was feeling the exact same thing as he was.

He was my drug, and I was his. Even though we had only known each other briefly it might as well have been a lifetime. We needed each other, and being away from him was hell. It wasn't a healthy addiction in all honesty, because even a blind man could see that the stars were crossed for us. The odds of anything but pain coming out after these months of bliss were terrible and we both knew it. These few months we would try to enjoy it but would start to realize the consequences of what would happen, up the dose, and be left in the ruins we had made for each other.

The next morning I woke up in Dean's bed, not surprised to find that we both were in our birthday suits. Well I certainly hope Amy and Sam don't barge in on us, that would make for an awkward explanation. Was my first thought, but I didn't regret a thing...at that minute.

"Mornin' beautiful." Dean murmured in my ear and I felt myself turn bright red. "I need clothes right now, Christ." I exclaimed, jumped out of the bed before pulling on one of his flannel shirts. He narrowed his eyes but shrugged and I crossed my arms. "Sorry I just...yeah." I said lemly, not even able to put my feelings into words.

Well...maybe I can.

The fact that somebody can look at me, and just me, nothing else, nothing to hide behind, nothing to mask my complete and utter ((is it that...?)) self loathing and call me beautiful was enough to send me into: holy-shit-what-do-I-do mode.

I tossed him a shirt as well and he just let out a laugh. "Alright, Ash, I won't pry. Ready to head in and talk to Amy?" "Yeah, hopefully Sam was able to calm her down." I replied, pulling on some of his sweatpants, which were insanely comfortable and waited for him to get dressed.

Then, we headed into the kitchen for breakfast, with his arm around my shoulder.