Carry On My Wayward Universe

Chapter 16

(Trigger Warning: Domestic Violence)
Amy:
My night is that it was eventful and now I feel dirty... also, my head is pounding and I wish I could chug gallons of water. It's not what you think, really. Sam and I stayed up late because I said that I had never shot a gun. So he taught me how, and I was really bad at it. My mom believed that a lady should never touch a gun. My head hurts because of the noise and my dehydration is the head ache plus all the tears from yesterday. So yeah, not what you were thinking huh?

"Hey love bug," Sam says, turning on the lamp beside the bed. "What do you want?" I whisper-whine. "Oh right, sorry," Sam says, dropping his voice to a whisper. I shove my head under a pillow and pull it tight around my face, blocking out the light from the lamp. "Do you want breakfast?" he asks quietly, rubbing my back. "Not right now, I want to sleep for two more hours but then I should be good. Wake me up in two hours or my condition will be worse,"I whisper, putting my head back on the pillow and squinting at the light. "Ok drama queen," Sam chuckles, leaning down to kiss my forehead. He clicks off the lamp and leaves the room, leaving the door open a crack.

I fall asleep pretty quickly and begin to dream vividly. I shouldn't say dream but I don't think there is a verb for nightmare. 

"Amy, where are you?" I hear Tyler roar from somewhere close. I'm hiding in a closet, surrounded by clothes that aren't mine. They are her's, the other girl's. All of these skimpy, look at me, outfits. None of them are mine. "I know you are here. I found Ash in the hall, and I gotta say, man you can pick best friends pretty great. She wouldn't give you up, even after I beat her beyond recognition. I always could go back to that if my pretty girl doesn't come out of hiding," Tyler mutters, getting closer to the closet. I know that it's a bluff. He does this every time he comes home after drinking. This apartment isn't ever safe but especially so when he's under the influence. I come out of the closet timidly. I know I'm about to get the worst of it but I also know that he will call Ash and feign an emergency so that she will come here.

"There she is," he says. Then he is morphing into someone else. He changes into Sam in a hot minute and holy crap it is equally as terrifying. Sam is looking at me like I am something he needs to kill. "Why didn't you come out earlier sweetie?" he asks in a forced tone. "I was scared," I say, my voice trembling with fear. "Damn right," he reaches out and grabs a fistful of my hair and throwing me to the ground. "What is this?" he roars, sending my pickle jar of escape money at the wall above my head. "I don't know," I sob, holding my chest, trying to hold myself together.

"Amy!" Ash is screaming and shaking me when I startle awake. "You were sobbing in your sleep," Ash says, brushing my hair back behind my ears and trying to keep eye contact with me while my eyes dart around the room. My head doesn't hurt anymore but I am panicking. "Hey, hey, what was that about?"Ash asks, climbing underneath the covers with me and putting her arm around my shoulders to try and stop the shaking. "I had this really awful dream," I admit, shivering at the though of it. "Tyler?" she asks, reaching for my wrist for a pulse check. "Yeah but not for long, this time Sam took the roll of Tyler and thanks to the show I know what an angry Sam is like and I was thrown around and I don't know why I dream like that, I just do," I say, feeling awful.

"Is everything okay?" Sam asks, poking his head in the room. I jump at the sound of his voice. "Yeah,"Ash sighs, throwing glances at me and then to him. "Are you sure Amy, you don't look too good," Sam says, approaching me. "Yeah, I'm okay," I say, shaking the feeling as he sits down on the edge of the bed. I shrug of Ashley's embrace and she gives me an encouraging nod. I climb into Sam's lap, lay my head on is shoulder and kiss his cheek. "Can you just hold me really tight for a few minutes?" I ask, finding comfort in the way his arms lock around me. I feel safe here and I know that after a while, I won't feel safe anymore.

"I'll tell you later, thanks Sam," Ash says, climbing out of Sam's bed and heading for the door. "Thank you Ash," I say quietly. I wish I felt safe around just her but sadly I don't. She and I are only college girls and yeah, I keep pepper spray in my bottle and always wear that cool color-changing-if-your-drink-has-been-drugged nail polish but still. Here, I feel like if Tyler walked in, I still wouldn't be hurt.

Of course, my brain would be going crazy but I would be okay. My brain would yell things at me like "Hide now!" or "Ash is here and she needs to not be!" "Why are you just standing there you dumb bitch?" but even through all the yelling, Sam would be right there for me to crash into. The lighting for the thunder in my brain, a place for all the noise to go.

Sam is so much more than a man. He is a man, don't get me wrong but he's a hero and a knight-in-shining-armor and he's mine. He's caring and loving and stressed out in all the right ways. He actually worries about me, not just about how much laundry I've had time for or if I'm eating the good cereal. It's all new to me. Having someone who just wants to hold me and someone who wants to make me say "I love you and not in the platonic way." He's great, really.

"Who cares?" I say all the sudden. "Who cares about what?" he asks, eyeing me like I'm crazier then before. "Who cares about the time we've got? I want to do things with you, things like become a hunter, things like make cupcakes things like make out in the rain! I want to embrace the time we do have instead of worrying about how much of it we have left," I say, peppering his face with kisses. "You are adorable," he laughs, holding my waist and pushing me back off his face. "That's great that you think so," I giggle.

"Where are you going?" he asks as I climb off of him and make my way down the hall. "I'm going to eat and then we are going out for drinks," I announce. "You aren't a day drinker," Ash says, eying me suspiciously. "Yeah, well, all through high school I thought I was completely straight, things change," I say, nonchalantly outing myself to my best friend. "I'm sorry, come again?" she says, spitting out some orange juice. "Well, Ash, I am bisexual, I've known that for about four years. I guess that's why the big G-man never answered my prayers, according to every preacher around, I'm half sin. And before you go asking that question that every roommate with a bisexual roommate ever asks. No Ash, I never have and never will have a crush on you. I am not attracted to you," I say, rambling on. Ash looks kinda shocked and I can't blame her.