The Green Eyed Monster

Ch. 10

"Come on. Please pick up, please." I find myself muttering, phone pressed tight to my ear. I sigh as it goes to voicemail, Cat's cheery voice telling me to leave a message. I've already left so many. I lick my lips as I put my phone away, defeated. Strawberries. I still taste it. I have to talk to her. I don't know why... I- I'm worried about her... I need to... I don't know. I don't know why, but I do. I pace back and forth, chewing on a thumbnail. I have to... I have to... do something. I hate feeling helpless, hate this swirling inside me. Why do I have to talk to her? Why do I care?

I care.

The thought makes me freeze. I do. I do care. And I don't know why, don't know when it started, but it doesn't feel new. It's like it's just become louder than it was before. I mean, it's true, I always didn't hate her, which can be interpreted as caring, but... not enough to affect me. Not enough for me to make an effort. Which is what I'm doing now. I find my mind racing, replaying everything, and I'm baffled. It wasn't like Cat, at all, and the thought makes me laugh bitterly, because I don't know Cat. I don't know anything about her, and that's becoming increasingly clear. What I thought she was... I don't know, what I wanted her to be... I don't think that's what she is. And why am I worried about her? I don't know. I don't know. I just... it's the edge of something, but I can't peer far enough to see the whole thing. My mind is... it's racing and nothings making sense, and I think it's the first time I've really lost my shit since I broke up with Beck. Nothing is making sense. My thoughts are racing but they're saying nothing, just... I need to talk to her. I don't know what I'll say, I just... I just need to. I'm going round and round in circles, and I'm getting exhausted. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I need to calm down.

I slam Robbie against the locker, his eyes wide with fear. "Tell me where Cat lives." I growl, my fists bunching his shirt up.

His eyes dart around nervously. "J-jade I d-don't... C-cat doesn't... please don't hurt me-"

I take my hands off him, forcing a tight smile. I know for fact that it's terrifying when I smile. Like a shark. "Robbie, I'm not going to insult us both by asking you again. Instead, I'll just tear Rex's head off." I reach into my backpack, pulling out the puppet.

Robbie's lip quivers. "W-where did you... I left him playing tetris in the library... how'd you find him?"

I twist the dummy's head to the left, muffling Rex's pleas with my hand. "Does it really matter? Tell me where she lives."

Robbie's eyes flick between me and Rex, the fear in them magnified by his glasses. There's a slight crack as I reach the full range of motion in Rex's neck, pushing beyond it. Robbie sobs. "Okay, okay, I'll tell you! Just please, don't hurt him."

I'm driving too fast. I shouldn't be driving at all, because my mind's not there, not on the road, and it's a miracle I don't cause an accident. I'm not even really sure how I got here, just running on some instinctive autopilot that has way better directional skills than the conscious me does. But I'm outside her house; I can tell because it says 'Valentine' in curling script on her mailbox, and I've never really realised that was her last name. She's always just been Cat to me, that was her, just Cat, and it reminds me of how much I don't know about her. I hesitate outside her door, hugging my arms to me. This... what am I doing? This isn't me. I don't do this. I don't chase after girls who molest me in bathrooms. I shiver, remembering Cat's forceful passion. It was... it was hard to ignore, hard to combat that kind of fervour, but there was something wrong. Just the fact that Cat was so forceful was enough. It's the first time she's ever really made a move like that, like she needed it, like she needed to kiss me, needed to touch me. I needed her to touch me.

I scowl. What am I? What am I becoming, that I need something from anyone. She's just a girl. I reach out impulsively and ring her doorbell. She's just a girl.

I'm telling myself that even as she opens the door, a subdued smile on her face that falters when she sees me. And it's ringing false, because as soon as I see her, I want to hug her. Want to make her sadness go away, and she's not just a girl... she's Cat. And that means something to me now. She leads me inside, to her room, and we barely speak, because there's this thing she did, the way she acted, hanging between us, and we have to talk about it, but she's scared to start and I'm scared. I'm actually scared of her. Of what's going on with her, because she's hurting and I think... I know it's my fault.

Cat's room is pink. Overwhelmingly pink. It's the room of a five year old, soft toys and brightly coloured pastel furniture scattered everywhere. It's too much. It's quintessentially Cat, in that it seems innocent, but there's something underneath it. It's too childish, too bright and happy. It's false. It's like she's trying to stay a child, trying to deny something in her - that's she growing up or losing her innocence or something. It... it doesn't feel right. She's trying too hard to seem simple, and it's starting to show. She sits on her bed, smoothing her skirt out. I shift a mustached pig aside and sit near her, trying to get comfortable. I stop after I realise it's not the bed that's uncomfortable, it's the situation.

I lick my lips and try to start, my mouth feeling dry. "Cat-"

She raises a hand, cutting me off, and she has a sad smile on her face, like she's almost amused by this, if only it wasn't happening to her. "I know Jade. I know about Beck."

A/n~
Holy fuckk this chapter thoo lol sorry not sorry cx vote & comment for demondreaming xx ((: