The Green Eyed Monster

Ch. 26

Cat's kisses are sweet and fervent, but her hands are clumsy and over-eager, touching over me too hesitant, too quick. It's flattering really, to know that I can make her this flustered. She's nervous, more nervous than I was. I think a part of her is expecting me to get fed up with her and push her off, and just see to myself. It honestly doesn't matter to me that her touches are so light, so tentative, because I can see how sincere she is, how much she wants to make me feel good, and it's an incredible turn on.

Even just the sensation of Cat lying on top of me, pressed against me so ardently, is amazing. But it's not just about the sensations, it's not just about her sincerity... it's about what Cat even doing this means.

The whole time I've been with her she's been timid, scared to take things a step further because she's afraid I'll reject her. The only time she's really done something like that is when she's desperate, when she's thought she was even closer to losing me than usual. She still does, a little. But the fact that she's doing this; it shows she's starting to believe me, starting to think I mean it when I say I won't leave her.

Cat sucks lightly on my pulse point, her mouth hot, dampening the skin, and I moan as her fingers trace the curve of my breast. Just because her touches are light doesn't mean they don't feel good. It's just they tend more to tease than to satisfy. Cat traces her way down to my breast, dropping soft kisses over my collarbone. She looks up at me as her tongue flicks over a nipple, her eyes huge and dark, wanting to see my reaction. My breath catches in my throat as her mouth latches on, her eyes still watching me, hands splayed over my ribcage. My back arches off the bed, Cat applying pressure. It feels amazing, and I throb for her... I've never been patient, and I don't think I'm about to learn now. "Unh... Cat..." I'm close to begging her. I know how important this is, how important it is that I make her feel comfortable, make her feel like she's doing fine.. to make her feel safe, but I can't stand it... this is unbearable.

Cat releases my nipple with a wet sound, moving back to my face, looking slightly worried. "I'm sorry... I got all caught up..." She drags an index finger over my stomach, the muscles shivering, a small smile on her lips. I lift my head to kiss her, Cat making a soft sound as I capture her lips. Her hand dips lower hesitantly, her fingers trembling against me. She breaks the kiss to look down, exhaling shakily as I part my legs, her fingertips brushing over my inner thigh. I swallow hard... I really don't think this is going to take long. She's built me up so much just by being her in everything she does. There's never a moment she's not herself. It makes it easy to fall in love with her, because I know exactly what she is, who she is. It makes it too easy... it's still terrifying to me how easy it was.

I close my eyes as Cat's hand moves to touch me directly, shuddering as the first tendrils of pleasure unfurl in me. Her fingertips brush over my clit, and I bite my lip, trying not to buck up against her. She moves further down, and I'm already so slick, so wet for her, that her fingers slide in easily. I can't stop the moan that escapes me, feeling Cat inside me. Oh God. Oh... it's every bit as good as I'd imagined. Cat kisses my jawline, whispering into my ear in amazement. "You're so... wet."

I shiver, Cat's fingers moving inside me, managing to nod quickly in agreement. Cat... she's always put me off guard... and it's always sort of upset me. It used to make me angry, because there's nothing you can say to some of the stuff she says. I hated it, because she made me feel vulnerable, because I didn't know what to say, how to act. I'm letting her make me vulnerable now... I'm letting myself be vulnerable. And it's scary. The old me would never have let herself be this open. Even now my instincts are screaming at me, telling me that this'll only hurt later, that the best thing to do is to close myself off and pretend I don't love her. And I did that before, but I'm not going to now. I'm not the person who I was, and I have to remember that... it's too easy to fall back into old patterns.

Cat moves her fingers tentatively, working up a hesitant rhythm. It doesn't matter... I still feel that pleasure crawl inside me, scratching at my spine. Cat's lips still skitter over me, tracing over my neck, and I know she can feel my pulse, feel how hard my heart is beating. She kisses over my pulse point, her fingers stroking my walls, making me even wetter

I feel myself start to heat up, biting my lip as my hips push up into Cat involuntarily, wanting more friction than the gentle strokes she's giving. I groan, panting. It's not enough...I said it didn't matter, but this pleasure... it feels good, so good, but it's too soft... it's just teasing me. I can't stop myself from pleading, back arching. "P-please Cat... harder..."

Cat's breath shudders out against my neck, her fingers faltering. Fuck. I hope I haven't upset her... I just couldn't help myself... I couldn't stop myself from saying it, begging for it. I grit my teeth for a moment, anticipating Cat's hurt response. It doesn't come. Her breath keeps puffing against my neck, shaky, and she starts to thrust faster inside me, her fingers moving more forcefully. I moan, surprised, feeling a burst of pleasure, stronger than the flicker of feeling that had been crawling inside me before. I swallow hard, trying to suppress most of the noises I want to make as Cat gains confidence, pushing into me even harder, her lips still tremoring against my neck for a few moments at a time, broken only by her short breaths.

My breath hitches in my throat, the pleasure building quickly, helped along by the fact that this is Cat... she's had an effect on me that no one else has, awoken an appetite in me that I thought didn't exist. Things with Beck were good, they were, but I never opened myself like this... never let myself be so vulnerable during. This is Cat who's trying so hard, whose lips are so fervent against my skin, whose naked body is pressed against mine. Sweet, innocent, broken, little Cat. I try to stop my nails from digging into her back, my fingers trembling with effort. I can't stop myself as Cat ups the pace, pushing me even closer to the edge, making arch up off the bed into her. Cat gasps, her body jerking against me, and I bite my lip hard, muscles tensing as I'm sent over, trying to stop the cries that want to come out, unsuccessfully. "Oh...Cat..." I can't help but whimper, my breath sobbing out as pleasure courses through me, making me tighten around Cat's fingers. My chest heaves as I take in breath, starting to come down from the pure wave of pleasure, panting slightly.

Cat looks at me hopefully, a smile trembling at the corners of her mouth. "D-did I make you...?"

I answer with a kiss, pouring the last remnants of my pleasure into it. I break away when I need to take a breath, the muscles in my body still trembling. Cat smiles, her fingers stroking my cheek. "Can... can I sleep here? Like this? With... with you?"

I shift a little, wrapping my arms around Cat and getting a bit more comfortable. "Yeah. We can sleep like this." The smile widens on Cat's face, and she snuggles into my shoulder, fingers absentmindedly skimming in patterns over my skin. It's distracting, but I'm not about to tell her to stop. I catch myself smiling softly... I haven't been this happy in a long time. I haven't felt this much for so long, and it's Cat who's let me be so vulnerable. I... I trust her.

I'm just as vulnerable as Cat is, I think. I just never show it. If you pretend you don't have feelings for long enough, you start to think you don't. I don't feel scared, I don't feel this quiver in my heart, this longing. These aren't emotions that Jade has. Jade is strong, Jade is tough. If Jade doesn't have feelings, they can't get hurt. But I am feeling these things... I'm not Jade. Not anymore, not the Jade everyone knows. I'm the Jade only Beck and Cat know, and Beck hasn't seen that side in a long time. I've fallen in love with Cat, and I'm still worried about that. It's happened to easily, made me too soft... no one likes a gooey Jade. Cat makes a soft noise of contentment, snuggling into me harder, her hair tickling me. There's that smile on my face again, the one I hate because I can't contain it. There's my heart racing again, thudding so crazily. I'm not the Jade I was. I'm the soft girl underneath, the one who's hidden for so long until Cat found her, cowering and pretending not to exist. The one that Cat has coaxed out, who's still scared, but not ready to hide again anytime soon. I'm not ready to give up this feeling. This happiness.