Dear Daughter | ✔

दो

Dear Daughter,
I had a dream last night. It had me you and me - together. I have always dreamt of being able to meet you and call you my Daughter, but this dream was different.

It did not have me in my casuals, meeting you when you were happy to see me. It was rather morbid. And how much ever I wish to keep it from you, it will all be in vain, for I have promised myself to not hide anything from you anymore.

I dreamt that my little girl was on her deathbed; yearning for someone to hold her, and ease her pain, at least a little bit. I ran to you, for a mile, for five miles and for ten, yet I never reached you.

It is a recurring dream nowadays, and I really do not appreciate my thought processes, but those really can not be helped now, can they? After all, these were my choices and my mistakes. These were all those turns I took on my road that led me here.

Often in life, we stand at crossroads, where it is extremely necessary for us to look back. I was at that crossroad fourteen years back and I made a mistake of neither looking back nor ahead. As I look back now, from this road, I realise what led me here. Unfortunately, I cannot begin to tell you how much I regret my choices.

It is not that you were a choice I regret, little girl, but the choice of time was. If only we had waited for a few years, we probably would have all been happy today.

You were probably the only star on my road back. There were grey skies all around, but just one ray of sunshine made my day. Pun intended? Your old man is not very funny, little girl, but I hope you have your mother's sense of humour.

Ah! What a woman she was! If only we would have waited. If only I would have kept you with me. If only I had made some better choices. Too many ifs there, don't you think?

She was a wise lady, little girl. She was the one who trusted analysis more than intuition. I, on the other hand, was different. I leapt at everything that glittered, forgetting the old saying. If only she had been wise that one occasion, we would have all been together. Together and happy.

Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do. Tell me, little girl, what can I do now that all these choices are made? What can I do after I've taken every effort to erase myself out of your life? Circumstances separated us, but will they bring us back? I wonder.

Always and Forever,
Your Father.
May 4, 1999.