Roller Coaster// Josh Dun Fanfic

EIGHTEEN

*Addison pov*

I woke up the next morning. My head was raging. I slept without josh and somehow I was okay with it. Yesterday was awful. Josh saw me in a way I wouldn't even want my mom seeing me. Drunk and vulnerable. I only remember the worst parts of what happened. Grayson took advantage of me while I was intoxicated. I let him. I was the one who didn't fight back, I made myself that way. Last night I told josh only fragments of what really happened. I told him that I was drunk and that I wasn't a virgin anymore. Never in a million years would I think I would have lost my virginity in such a disgusting way. I heard a knock on the door.

"Come in." it was probably going to be my mother to tell me she wanted me to leave. Tell me how stupid I was for what happened. The door opened and josh walked in with a single cupcake.

"Happy birthday Addi." He smiled at me. I had totally forgot that today was my eighteenth birthday. Heh set the plate on the table and sat next to me on the bed. I felt so vulnerable when I was with him now because of the way he saw me last night.

"Oh Josh you didn't have to do this." I was truly thankful he remembered but I was angry at myself for forgetting. He grabbed my hand in his but I quickly pulled it away. I sat up straighter and pulled down the sleeves on my hoodie.

"Addi why won't you let me touch you?" he looked at me but I just looked down. I wasn't going to say anything because I didn't want to make myself look like an even bigger fool. "Addi please talk to me." He tried the hardest he could but there was no way I would talk to anyone. He tried to grab my hand but I just turned over so my back was facing him. Curling up next to me was the worst thing he could do. My eyes felt hot and my stomach felt empty. I began to cry and moved further away from Josh almost falling off the bed.

"Addi its okay please don't cry." He hugged me but I pushed him off.

"Get off of me! Can't you see I don't want to be touched! I hate myself for what I did last night. I deserved to lose my virginity to someone that took advantage of me! I don't like it when you touch me because I feel like whenever you do you will see me the way Grayson saw me! I let him kiss me and touch me!" I had finally let out all my anger. Josh's smile faded and he looked like he was about to cry.

"Addi I love you more than anything in the entire world you will never deserve what he did to you. There is no way I would ever see you the way he saw you because he only saw you as an opportunity to have sex." He looked at me and it melted my heart. I wanted to believe him and so I did.

"Josh I'm so sorry I just am afraid it will happen again." I ran over to him and hugged him. His shirt was now soaked with my tears. "Thank you so much for everything I love you." For the first time in a long time I leaned up and kissed him. Now that I was eighteen I could kiss him and nobody could do anything about it. He kissed me back. While he kissed me his hands went up the back of my shirt. I let him touch me and I dint have to feel guilty for doing it.

"Addi will you be my girlfriend?" you could tell he has been waiting a while to ask me that. And I have been waiting a while for him to ask me that. I did love Josh and even though sometimes I felt as if I didn't deserve him I always thought knew he loved me to.

"Yes josh I would love to be your girlfriend!" he pushed my back onto the bed and planted kissing down my neck. It felt so right and I was okay with him touching me.