As Long As You Love Me I'll Recover - Justin Bieber Fan Fiction - Book 1

Exclusive Chapter #9

Note: Surprise! I finished the chapter early! I didn't plan to, but I'm way ahead in finishing my final projects than I thought I would be and I had a little time. It's a little short, but I hope you enjoy it. Another chapter will come when I can think of what to write next. :)

Chapter 9: Sorry

I know you know that I made those mistakes maybe once or twice
By once or twice I mean maybe a couple a hundred times
So let me, oh let me redeem, oh redeem, oh myself tonight
'Cause I just need one more shot at second chances
Yeah, is it too late now to say sorry?

My vacation lasted a month then Justin and I returned to our house in California. Of course they still recommended that I don't touch an instrument and that I don't sing if I can. I called Melody when I got back to California and she immediately flew out to see me. Justin didn't last without being in the studio, which I expected, so on a day he went to the studio I invited Melody over to talk to her. There is a lot I have to apologize for. Melody finally achieved the career she always wanted and she's always found time for me these last few years. She even found time to support me when I blew her off. I made her lunch and we sat in the living room where it was more comfortable to talk. She immediately asked me if I was feeling better. "Yes actually," I told her. "I needed a vacation and I didn't know it until I was on it. That's why I wanted to see you."

She nodded, "I was going to fly out whether you asked me to or not."

"I'm so sorry," I apologized. "I had no idea I was acting so terrible. I worked so hard for this career for so many years and I wanted to keep working harder so I could keep it. I wanted to keep outdoing myself on the songs, the performances, the music videos, and the interviews. I kept telling myself that I could do better and I pushed the other aspects of my life aside. It was all unconsciously done and I am so sorry I hurt you. I had no idea about any of it until the intervention. I thought about it the entire vacation."

"The family is so proud of you Melanie. You accomplished everything you said you would accomplish. You have nothing to prove to anyone, you know that don't you? We care more about your safety and your happiness than we do the awards."

"What was I like?"

"You didn't answer many calls and when you did you weren't all there. You gave a lot of short answers or you gave answers that I heard on TV."

I shook my head, "That does sound terrible."

"It's over now, Melanie. It's forgotten. What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "Justin doesn't want me to think too hard about it right now. He thinks I should relax and focus on myself for now and when I feel ready I will know what to do next."

Melody smiled, "That's pretty great advice."

"Yeah," I smiled back. "What do you think I should do?"

"I agree with Justin. I think when you find Melanie again you'll start thinking clearer again and you'll know what you have to do. However, relaxing doesn't mean staying away from music."

"But they don't want me focusing on music," I argued.

"They don't want you focusing on your career; there's a difference."

I replied, "What do you mean?"

"They don't want you to focus on your career, but it is okay to continue playing music. Music is a part of you. Music is your way of expressing yourself and you cannot find yourself again until you do play music. Your team gave you terrible advice on that one. So play music, write lyrics, and sing whenever you want. I don't think you'll fully find yourself without it."

I thought about what Melody said all day. It makes sense. I know my team is always looking out for my well-being, but one thing they did not understand is my love for music. I did not start playing music because of the money I could make or because I wanted a career out of it. I started playing music because I loved it. I had so much fun playing the piano or just singing in the shower. I could never let go of that.

When Justin came home I sat him down to talk to him about what Melody said. I explained everything we talked about first before asking, "What do you think about her advice?"

He replied, "What she said makes sense. I would never be able to stop music either, but you know that. Even when I'm on break I always carry a guitar and a notebook with me. I still schedule studio time and make music every time I feel inspired. As an artist music is a part of who we are."

"So you think I should make music?"

"If you feel inspired to," he smiled. "I don't think you should schedule studio time and start making music that way just yet, but I do think writing about what you're feeling will help."

"What about the team?"

"Melanie, you're thinking too much about other people. Stop considering the team's rules about your life."

"Sorry," I sighed. "I don't realize I'm doing it."

He put his arm around me and kissed my head. "I know you don't realize you're doing it," he said, "but you need to think about how you're feeling. If you feel something and want to write it down or play about it then do it. Don't think about whether you'll be following the team's rules or breaking them. You need to think about yourself this time."

"Okay," I smiled, "I'll try."

"Do you want to keep writing?"

I nodded, "Yes. I miss singing too."

"I think you just found your answer."

For the next couple weeks I wrote nonstop in journals about what I felt and everything that happened, but I could not get myself to write down lyrics and I could not get myself to pick up a guitar or sit at the piano. I didn't feel okay enough to play it. I didn't feel like the old Melanie.

It took two and a half months into my break to start playing music again. I wrote nonstop and carried my journal with me. Justin and I even went on another vacation that lasted a week and a half. When we returned from the second vacation I felt more like me than I have felt in a long time. I still felt so happy from the vacation that I sat in the yard on a blanket writing. My guitar sat next to me. I wrote some of the lyrics first and I hesitated before picking up the guitar, but I really wanted to know how the song would song. So I picked it up. It felt amazing. It especially felt amazing to sing again.

Don't need permission
Made my decision to test my limits
'Cause it's my business, God as my witness
Start what I finished
Don't need no hold up
Taking control of this kind of moment
I'm locked and loaded
Completely focused, my mind is open.

"Is that you?" I jumped a little at Justin's voice and couldn't help but blush when he caught me. He sat next to me on the blanket and wrapped one of his arms around my waist. "It sounded beautiful. I've missed hearing you play out here."

I smiled, "I thought you were at the studio."

"Did you not want me to hear you play?" he asked.

"No," I laughed, "I did want you to hear it, but I felt nervous to play again. That's why I came out here. It's peaceful."

"I liked it."

"It's not finished."

He laughed, "I don't care. I still like it. Does this mean you're feeling better?"

"Yeah," I smiled, "I think I'm beginning to be Melanie again."

He leaned in and kissed me for the millionth time today. We broke away when I smiled again, causing him to smile back. "I love you," he told me. "I'm really happy that you're back."

"I'm pretty excited about it too," I laughed. "I love you."