As Long As You Love Me I'll Recover - Justin Bieber Fan Fiction - Book 1

Exclusive Chapter #10

Chapter 10: Life is Worth Living

Ended up on a crossroad
Try to figure out which way to go
It's like you're stuck on a treadmill
Running in the same place
You got your hazard lights on now
Hoping that somebody would slow down
Praying for a miracle
Who'll show you grace?

One song turned into two, which eventually turned into a dozen more songs. I wrote all of them at home and made a promise to myself and to Justin not to go to the studio. I may be feeling like Melanie again, but I'm enjoying my quality time with Justin too much to let it go now. When I made the promise to Justin he made a promise in return to step away from the studio for a while. We decided to get out of California again and after a debate we decided to go back to my hometown. It's been years since I last visited and seeing my family again could be exactly what I need. Ben was home visiting his family too, but unfortunately Melody could not make it this time. My parents offered to let us stay at their house, but I decided a hotel was better. I love my parents but staying in my room again would feel too weird.

We went to the hotel first and unpacked a few of our things. "Are you ready to go?" Justin asked. "We told your parents we would be there in 10 minutes."

"What do you think they will think about me? Do they know what happened? What will they say? What if I get lectured?"

"Melanie," Justin laughed and pulled me into a hug, "Your parents love you. I'm not sure the team told them the details. Unless Melody told them they probably only know what the magazines said."

"I'm nervous," I held onto him tighter when he tried to pull away. "I always wanted to make them proud. I can't imagine what they thought when they saw that I collapsed and I didn't even bother to call and tell them what happened. They're going to be disappointed."

"You've been sick, Mel. You've been going through a hard time and they will understand as soon as you tell them that. You've already made them proud. Remember what I told you on the way over here?"

"Yes," I mumbled with my face resting against his shoulder, "You told me that I'm human and I'm expected to make mistakes and learn from them. As my parents they would never expect me to be perfect."

"Exactly," he kissed my head.

I pulled away, "Alright, I think I'm ready to go now."

My parents were so excited to see me again. They rushed out the front door the second we pulled in. They gave me a hug together and led us inside. Dad got us drinks while mom asked how we were. "We're good," I told them. "We've been on vacation a lot lately." Dad put our drinks on the table and sat next to mom.

"What happened at your last concert?" dad asked.

I replied with a question, "Did Melody explain any of it to you?"

"We asked her," Mom answered, "but she wouldn't give us details."

I sighed and looked over at Justin. He held onto my hand and kissed my cheek. "I let fame get to me a little bit. I had so many interviews and concerts and so many people stopped treating me like a person and I lost myself because of it. The day of my last concert the team gave me an intervention before my set. I hadn't been eating because I told myself I was too busy and I was depressed and exhausted, but I thought I could make it through that concert. Turns out I couldn't and I collapsed on stage. I was in the hospital then Justin and I went on vacation for a while. The team and Justin knew it would be good for me to stay out of the limelight and away from people in general for a while. I needed time alone to recover. When we came back home I tried to relax, but we went on another vacation when I got a little frustrated again."

"Are you okay now?" Dad asked.

"Yes," I nodded, "I am feeling a lot better. I started writing and singing again too."

Mom asked, "You're not releasing music again, are you?"

I shook my head, "No, I'm not. I'm not ready to get back out there yet. I enjoy being on break too much."

"Will you go back?" she asked.

"Of course, music is my life. I think I forgot music was my passion and I started only focusing on it as my career. I don't think I'll ever succeed if I think of music as work. I'm learning to love music again as something fun rather than a job. I'll know when I'm ready to release music again."

"We're proud," Dad smiled.

"You are?" I asked. They said it. I still made them proud. Maybe I didn't disappoint them after all.

"Melanie," dad said, "We never cared about the money or the awards. We care about you. You are a role model to people and we could not be more proud that you are trying to positively make a difference in this world."

The rest of the visit with my parents we did a lot more talking and even more crying. I promised to visit more often and they promised to visit me more often in California, too. Justin and I went back to the hotel for a while before I contacted Ben and met with him at our usual restaurant where I used to work. He arrived before I did and had our food ready for us. "How sweet of you," I told Ben.

He smiled, "I know you too well. How have you been feeling?"

"Better," I nodded. "I actually feel like myself again."

"You look a lot better."

"I'm sorry if I've acted weird around you. I'm told I was quite scary for a while."

"It's okay," he said, "because you're back now. That's what matters. What's next?"

I shrugged, "I don't know. I still want to make music. You and I both know I can't live without it, but I'm not ready to step into the studio yet. I'm not ready to be out in the public eye again. I'll return when I'm ready but I'm okay for now."

"Well now that I'm in California too you can call me anytime you need me."

I smiled, "Thanks Ben. I'm so happy that so many people stuck by me, even when I wasn't myself."

"We knew Melanie was still in there. Our 20s are some of the hardest years of our lives. We're trying to figure out who we are as an individual and we're trying to figure out what we want to do with our lives, but we're also trying to figure out what people we want to continue staying in contact with. Our 20s are filled with drama and tragedies, but we figure it out. Being in the public eye is hard so it just took you a while to figure it out."

"I never thought about it that way. It's weird how much things have changed since we were in high school. I thought going to college and becoming a singer was the ultimate dream. If I could accomplish that I would have everything I ever wanted. When I got there I didn't know what to do next. Everybody thought of me as a brand rather than a person and I lost it."

Ben nodded, "We've all been through a lot since graduation, but I know I never had the attention you did. I can't imagine having that kind of pressure. It must feel nice to be away from that."

"It does," I smiled. "That's why I don't want to go back yet. I can travel freely with no schedule. Justin and I can go on dates and spend time together without events or performances getting in the way. I can write music without wondering whether the fans will hate it or whether the song could make money or not."

"Sounds like you don't want to go back."

"Part of me wants to go back, but a bigger part of me never wants to step foot into that light again."

"What are you going to do?" he asked.

I shrugged, "I guess when the time comes I'll know."