loving on the line

chapter 14

Theres a fimilure feeling of blood pumping through my viens. I cant help but feel a certain weight, as though two large hands are pushing my being down, restraining me from moving. but it is a comforting feeling, reassuring and nice. I've felt this before, yes, last time, when I picked a fight with death. I am no closer to the answer of life and death then I was almost 10 years ago, however under the routine of my daily life, like many other cancer patients, there is a sense of understanding and knowing that we are part of a bigger picture. there are deeper emotions, questions and choice everyone will be faced with, and while we go around slipping back into the usual routine of life somewhere in our subconscious this Idea lives. so why has, god, or maybe just natural selection decided to let me live? maybe there is no God, no greater being, no super power just us. maybe we made up God to explain things, to comfort us because the overwelmiing feeling that we will all die and there is nothing out there. this feeling is to much because if its true then there is No heaven, No hell, No higher calling, just oblivion, terrifying oblivion. human just need an answer, they need a reason, but is there a reason for life? Or are we all the product of evolution, random mutation, an error. I am that mutation. I am that glitch. somewhere in my genetic coding the sequence went wrong. cancer is me, it is my cells, it is my body which is causing the tumour to grow. I am a new twig branching out from the tree of evolution, and maybe one day this twig, this glitch, this mutation will turn into multiple twig's and branch's and from my owns bodies error a whole new species will evolve, from that one little error. shit this is some strong drugs they knocked me out with. Never knew I could be so philosophical. so am I dreaming all this, perhaps right now the doctors are cutting out my tumour, or maybe I am dead. wouldn't that be strange. holy fuck, don't think like this, your going to freak yourself out. But i'm not freaking out, am I? am I okay with the possibility of oblivion? Am I content with the life I have or had? with my success's and failures, with my family and friends? with Harry? wait no! not Harry, Tom? I meant Tom, I mean Harry and I are friends but Toms my boy friend, he is the one I want to be with, right?

"so she'll wake up?".

suddenly I am aware of warmth touching my body. I can hear faint murmurs, people talking, but most of all I become aware that my lungs are full of air, they are rising and falling naturally. the pressure in my throat is considerably lighter.

"is she cured?", "she's out of immediate danger".

A smile spreads across my faces and I briefly open my eyes to see my mother, father, sister and a team of doctors staring back down at me.

"Macey just take it easy, you're still extremely weak from the surgery" doctor Pelts says

"But it worked, you cut it out?" I croak, my voice is strange and foreign but the room is so full of joy that my worries imminently dissolve. "No, we didn't, the tumour was to smart, to complicated to remove" doctor Pelts smiles, "but instead we implanted radioactive material near the tumour, as it decays the radiation kills your tumour" he explains as my mouth forms a large O shape. "so that's it then?" my dad ask. "well, we will of course be keeping you in the hospital with regular scans, we may cut the tumour out once it gets to a smaller size, or just let the radiation totally shrink your cancer. but yes it seems we are out of the woods" the doctor concludes. "what about side affects?" I timidly ask, already preparing myself for the worst. "well there is the short term affects during your treatment, dizziness, nausea and your energy levels will be very low, but long term wise, you may get Fibrosis , have Damage to your bowels, Memory loss, Infertility and there's a small chance you could get a secondary cancer, but these are rare, especially with you type of treatment". The room turns silent, all eyes on me, waiting to see how I will react. "well lets hope that doesn't happen" I chirp. I AM BACK BABY.

HARRYS P.O.V

"yeah, yeah the suns great, man Cheshire must be bloody freezing" I say on the phones to one of my friends back in England. "and the lady's" he coes, "haha man, naaaa not enough time in the day". "what the great Harry, hasn't found away? I'm sure Louis and niall would have found some trouble, ah?" yeah we have and will I think. "hmmmm when I come back we can get some" I chuckle into the phone. "Hazza we're leaving in 10 minutes" Louis chimes.

I smile at Lou, at my god dam best friend. He is prefect and I can't help admire the way he leans on the door fram with a angelic look on his face. He's so pure in this moment, so innocent. Unlike me, charming prehaps but underneath I am rotten, I am dark and twisted, I will stuff up, I will hurt someone, and I am so god dam afraid of that. I wish the good, if there is any of it, is all he sees, is all anyone will see because it's only their smiles, their perception of me which keeps me going. I am worthless, but they won't let me believe it, he won't, she won't. Macey that's all that runs in my head, her name, ticking over like a metronome, thumping softly in the back of my brain.

"Harry"

Louis voice draws me back,and I smirk. "Melbourne tonight baby" he yells. "Hahaah and the world tomorow!" I laugh back. "I have a feeling your right my friend" he chuckles and throws my wallet at me. "We are leaving in 7 minutes"

Third person P.O.V

Liam beamed at Niall from across the stage, it was the fifth minute of absolute noise. Nothing but noise filled the room. The standing ovation continued into the night as the boyswrapped up their Melbourne show. "Thank you Melbourne, and good night" yelled Liam for one last time as the boys ran off the stage. "Damm it's a million degrees out there" zayn huffed as he pulled his shirt over his head. "Any excuss to take your shirt off, hey zayn?" Harry laughed. "And like you weren't going to do the same thing!" Zayn replied smirking at his best friend, at his brother. Harry was stubborn and everyone knew it, the room silenced as everyone watched what he would do next. Harry furrowed his eyebrow before putting on a jumper "no I was not" he replied and went next door. "That boy sure is special" Louis grinned. And he was, everyone knew it, he was a shinning light and a character who was so important to the band. But Louis knew his other half was hiding something, was troubled more then anyone else. He sighed knowing that Harry wouldn't share his problems and he wondered if a certain blonde had anything to do with it.

Curiosity got the better of him as he sent macey a text

'Hey love hope your feeling well. How are you and Harry? Xx'

Macey looked baffled as her phone lite up, flashing a message. It was Louis and the text was strange. It wasn't the fact that he asked about Harry, but the fact that he asked if she was well! You ask if someone's feeling well after a cold, or a headache, certainly not after they just came out of major surgery where they could have potentially died! Did Louis really think that was appropriate after all she has been through? Come to think of it why hadn't any of the other boys made contact. She knew her friends in London, heck all her friends from all over the globe, had sent some kind of message to her, and sure the boys were superstars and busy, but they should have atleast sent something!

Sorry it's a tad all over the shop. I have the end of this figured and the major events but I'm trying to fill in the gaps. I really want to explore the characters a bit more so I hope I'm not boring u, anyway thanks guys and bare with it, ❤