Shall We Dance

••14•• {Kill the Pain For Me}

                     •Josh's P.O.V•

I looked around at the all-too-familiar surroundings. The bland walls and the white drapes that hung over the windows. The same feeling of loss had filled the endless halls and rooms.

Doctors ran around every-which-way, all with frantic expressions on their faces. They would pass by me without taking time to answer the question that drilled in my mind.

I needed to know if Jess was okay.

I didn't know why I cared so much. I wanted nothing more than to forget about the past month and just move on. I wanted to go find a girl, maybe one who had a lot cash. I wanted a relationship. I wanted someone to hold. Right now, Jess didn't want to open up to me, much less have an actual relationship with me.

Why don't I just give up on her?

The girl has a crap load of issues and yet I'm sitting here in the hospital waiting room, waiting to see if she's okay.

This is nothing like me! The old Josh would have left without a second glance and probably headed to the club to find a new temporary love.

Temporary love was all I've ever known. I've never had a relationship that I felt was genuine. Never.

What even is love?

I was taught it was a feeling. It was something that wasn't meant to last. It was a pain-killer.

Once the feelings are gone, the love is gone. That's what it's always been and all it will ever be.

"Ms. Harbor would like to talk to you," the doctor told me.

I looked up at one of the many doctors that had scurried through the halls.

"What?"

"Jessabelle wants to talk to you," he said blandly.

"Why?"

"Room 389 on the fourth floor."

With that, he left.

...

I knocked on the door and stood in the hall until I heard her say, "come in".

"Hey, gorgeous. Are you okay?" I knelt down beside her and our eyes met.

"Yeah, I'm fine. The doctors say that I passed out because I was under extreme stress."

"I get it. You know you scared me, right?" I pushed a strand of hair away from her face.

"I know." She smiled. "Why do care, Joshy? Why are you here talking to a messed up girl when you could have anyone?"

"I don't know." I chuckled a little. "What are you doing to me, darling?"

She took a deep breath. "I'm tired of feeling like this, Joshy. I'm tried of us fighting these feelings."

"You keep messing with my mind. Darling, I'm crazy for you, but you're so hard to read."

"You deserve more than this and you know it! I'm such a mess..."

"You think you're a mess? I love someone I can't have," I whispered.

"I don't give myself away easily. I have trust issues, you know."

"So I guess we can both be messed up together."

"I guess," she told me. "Two messed up losers," she laughed a little behind her sad eyes.

"Gorgeous, can I drive you back to your place? I promise I'm not as dangerous as I'm made-out to be," I asked with a pleading look in my eyes.

"I don't know. Are you sure that you aren't a serial-killer?"

I saw a hint of a smile appear over her lips.

"I'll never hurt you again, darling. I promise!"

"Can I trust you, Joshy?" She asked a bit sarcastically and a bit seriously at the same time.

"Can you?"

She sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "Just hold my hand."

She let her arm fall down from her lap and I clasped my hand around hers.

"Don't let me go, Joshy. I hate falling."

"If you fall, I'll catch you."

She turned her head towards me and smiled. "You think you're so charming, don't you?"

"I do, actually."

She rolled her eyes playfully and then looked back up at the ceiling. "You're freaking crazy, Joshy."

"And you're freaking insane."

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Xoxo,
Halliegj •