Filling Scars With Love

Memories.

After lunch I was feeling tired, way too tired. I slowly got up from the chair I was sitting on and washed my hands. I made my way to my bedroom, checking the time. It was half past three and I know it may sound strange but that's when I usually eat lunch. I sat on the edge of the bed thinking about my life, how wonderful it would be if...if she would be still alive. I terribly miss her, it was like our lives were connected in some way. I slowly laid on the bed gripping the sheets with my hands, letting a tear fall from my right eye. I slowly fell asleep, wanting to forget everything that happened.

"Remember Scarlett, no secrets with me. Now tell me who's the boy you desperately are in love with?"

 "Lucy I already told you, I don't love him, I kind of …. like him, that's all." I said blushing.

"Well tell me his name, you're making me curious" she said hitting my arm playfully. I shook my head and opened my mouth to say something before the scene faded.

 I found myself right in the middle of somewhere, people dancing around me. It was a birthday party. It was Michele's birthday party, one of my classmates. Lucy was flirting with some guy before she came to me.

 "This is a dream, right?" I asked putting my hand on her shoulder.

"Why on earth would this be a dream Scarlett? I'm here with you, nothing happened and nothing it's going to happen" she said smiling, looking at me with her big brown eyes.

I heard the sound of a phone ringing, which brought me back to the real world. My eyes were a bit sweaty. I took my bag and started studying for tomorrow's physics exam. I was going to get a good grade, like always. It wasn't hard for me to study, I always remembered everything. I started reading sentences out loud.

“According to Newton's third law, for every action force there is an equal (in size) and opposite (in direction) reaction force. You bitch forced me to kill your foolish friend...”

I rubbed my eyes not believing what I just read. I reviewed it but the sentence wasn't there. It had never been there. I sighed and continued studying. At eight PM I had finished everything.

“Honey can you take the trash out? “ I heard my mom’s voice coming from downstairs. Well not my actual mom, just my adoptive one.

“Of course mom!” I yelled.

“Oh, why don’t you walk around a little? You’ve been staying home all the time.” She said to me and I sighed.

“Yeah mom, sure. “ I said smiling weakly.

“Is there anything wrong?” I could tell the concern in her voice.

What am I supposed to say? Uhm, maybe there is mom! Maybe I’m just literally hurting my self everyday and crying over hate I get in school. Maybe I’m suffering a lot because I had to see my best friend dying in front of me years ago and I can’t get over it.

“Nope. Everything’s okay. I’m just tired.”

“Okay, darling.” She said putting a small kiss on my cheek.

I finally got out. It’s so cold out here. Of course it’s cold silly, it’s December.

I take a peek at every house. Each one over decorated, lights and Christmas trees and everything else.

It’s finally snowing. It’s been a while since the last time. Actually, it hasn’t snowed since Lucy died.

                                                                    ''Flashback''

“Come on!” – Lucy screamed

“No!” – I yelled

“Why? You’re afraid of frozen water? I can’t believe you.” – she said

“I’m not afraid of what you said. It’s just too cold outside. I don’t like that.” – I said

She threw a little snowball at my room.

“Oh my god you little brat you’re going to pay for this. I’ll take revenge I tell you! Revenge!” – I screamed

“Moooooooom! Help me!” – She joked

I ran into the snow and pushed her a little.

“I’m freezing.” – I told her

“Come here.” – she said hugging me tight.”

                                                               ''Flashback ends''

I know I’m smiling like an idiot. It’s actually weird because I never smile when this happens but I really miss those times.

Oh, and I thought I wasn’t crying. Here we go. Come one, there must be a way to make these tears stop, like seriously.

“Lucy…” – I whispered.

I got no answer. Of course no one answered. I’m talking to someone who can’t practically hear or see me. But anyway she’s the angel from my nightmare.

Oh, here I am, quoting some random band’s lyrics. Way to go Scarlett.

Maybe mom was right, I should walk around, just a little. It won’t kill me anyway. It killed Lucy though. But if it does kill me, yeah anyway…

The furthest I’ve been these past years is my school. I don’t like to leave my house anymore. I don’t have a reason to do it anyway.

“Hey you, lame kid!” I heard someone yelling behind me.

I could swear it was one of the school badasses. I crossed my arms and started walking away to avoid him. It was freezing cold. I could hear him walking behind me, his steps, and he was getting closer. All of a sudden I felt him grab my left wrist spinning me around to face him. I winced in pain and he let go my hand. It started bleeding. He saw the red mark on the sleeve and stared at me for a while.

“Why do you do that?”

“Why do you care?” I whispered.

He put his hands in his pockets, and took a deep breath.

“Don't you dare doing that again!”

-“You're not my mother!” I almost yelled at him.

“You heard me.” he said, his tone was low and soft.

“I didn't hear a damn! Fuck off.” I said immediately regretting what just slipped out of my mouth.

I never insulted anyone since Lucy died. I put a hand over my mouth and felt a tear run down my cheek. He mumbled something, something I didn't catch and then he walked away slowly. I wiped away my tears and went back home. And in that moment, I was ready to swear that I would never go out for a walk again. Never.