Filling Scars With Love

Midnight memories.

I spent the whole day in my room thinking about , well, actually everything since there’s a lot going on. You know. 

I went through my phone and re-read for the 100th time those messages. I still can’t believe I kinda have a friend and I’ve actually broken the promise. But, I don’t want him to be my friend, not yet. I don’t feel like it. I mean I want to but I’m not ready to do this, because of Lucy. I just can’t move on. This is not me. I’m not the one who wants to live, to have new friends and even a new life. There’s one thing I know, I’m changing and it’s being fast. One week ago all I could think about was to spend my life surrounded by cats. I’d adopt one monthly. A huge cat full of cats, that was everything I wanted but now…. Now it’s different. I feel like I want to go out and try new things, meet new people and make new memories. I repeat: THIS IS NOTHING LIKE ME. But I have to admit it, I almost like it. After midnight, he said. I’ve never been out after midnight. Never! Well, I guess there’s always a first time. After midnight… Oh Goodness! I must inform my parents. I’m pretty sure they’ll freak out. I don’t think mom will like Michael that much after I tell her about his plans but I don’t really care. I feel like going out today and I will. 

I went downstairs and found my mom reading one of her favorite books, The Last Tango. She’s obsessed with that book and I don’t blame her, it’s flawless. Anyway, I took a deep breath and decide to talk to her. 

“Uhm, mom?” I asked her.

“Yes dear?” She said but she didn’t look at me and kept reading. 

“I-I’m going out tonight.”  I almost whispered. 

“Where, with Michael, when?!”  She asked finally raising her eyes and giving me a worried look. 

“I don’t know, umm… yea and after midnight.” I said.

She threw the book away.

Strange. 

“After midnight?” she whispered while her eyes got watered.

The air between us was way too thick and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

Both of us could feel the tension. 

“My little girl is growing up so fast.” She finally said and pulled me into a hug.

Honestly, I felt relieved. I thought she was going to yell at me or something but she actually never does. 

“Be careful, okay? If he breaks your heart…”She said but I cut her off. 

“Mom! He’s not my boyfriend. I’m not sure if he’s even my friend. I’m not ready to move on. It’s still hard, you know, everything. But I’m trying mom. Please don’t get this wrong. I don’t love Michael and I never will”. – I assured her. 

“Okay, but we still have to talk about this after you get home but anyway since it’s already 10pm I’ll help you get ready. You got to look beautiful today. Ah, my little girl.” She says as her eyes flush.

She has never acted like this. I guess this “moving on” thing has gotten her all worked up. I don’t want to disappoint her or anything but I don’t like her rushing me. Anyway I decide to tell nothing. She chooses my outfit but since we like the same things I freaking love it and she does my make up as well. Finally she puts my hair on a nice bun. 

“Done!” My mom smiled proudly at herself. I took a look at myself. 

Tight pants, polka shirt and white converses. And the make up, it was just perfect. A light shadow of brown, a little black eyeliner, mascara and red lipstick. I was almost beautiful. I hope Michael likes it. Wait what? No, I don’t want him to like the way I look. No sir!