Filling Scars With Love

It's Clifford!

Here we are, just the two of us, finally alone. He plays with my fingers while watching at his legs, then he smiles.

“What?” – I ask playfully. 

“I’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time. I’m happy you’re here with me.” – he says.

“There’s no other place I’d rather be.” – I tell him squeezing his hand. 

He moves his hand and starts playing with my hair, making tiny curls with his fingers. I could feel my heart beating faster and I felt like it was about to burst. I like the effect he has on me. This strange feeling, I’ve never felt before is actually the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me.

I stare at his eyes as he leans closer. Our faces are about 2 inches away. We keep getting closer till our lips met.

 I woke up breathing heavily. What in the earth was this dream about? Me and … and … him …. No way. It can’t be. Never going to happen. Nah. Are you crazy Scarlett? What’s your brain even doing?! You can’t have dreams like that, especially about him. What’s wrong with me?

It’s morning, actually it’s not even morning anymore cause it’s already 11am. I’m pretty sure I’m home alone. I change in a wide shirt and tight pants. 

I went downstairs and made some breakfast. Nutella baby, you’re my only love. Besides music. Oh, music. I can’t believe I haven’t heard music in about 48 hours. I must be sick. 

Where the fuck is the TV remote? 

Oh, here I am, still swearing and cursing. It’s a weird experience since I’ve never said things like this. Never I'm telling you, never. 

I turned the TV on and searched for an ‘only music’ channel and of course I’d choose one of MTV ones. The familiar sounds fill my living room and make me forget about everything. 

“Para-para-paradise.” I sang along while dancing with a pillow. I know I'm weird! 

I jumped on the sofa but unfortunately I fell down like a potato. Right in my left arm. It hurts a lot, not because it could be broken or something cause I know it’s not but because I hurt my scars. Now that I think about it… It’s been awhile since the last time I cut. I mean 4 days or so but I used to cut daily. It was like a routine. And actually I don’t feel like cutting today. I’m happier and nothing can change it. I feel like I’m a new person. Maybe if I change my name and go to another country I can have a better life and maybe find some friends and an actual boyfriend.

Wait, what? 

“Are you crazy?”  The song ironically spoke for me.

“Yea’ Conor, I’m wondering the same” I sigedh and played with my hair. 

But what’s with the idea of having friends? I just promised Lucy I won’t have friends. I can’t believe myself. Sometimes I feel like I’m a bipolar. My humor changes in a matter of seconds Right now I went from happy to extremely weird and unbelievable. 

A weird sound came from outside. Like someone crushing something or so. I take a peek from my window and I see Michael cursing at a car.

“Seriously now you piece of shit?!”  He yelled at the Lamborghini. 

Oh, of course, he’s one of the rich kids. A Lamborghini is a piece of shit to him. Pathetic. Oh what I'd give to have a car like that...

Anyway I’d better get off the window before he sees me. I don’t want to talk to him ever again. Let’s admit it, I’m just afraid I won’t be able to keep my promise because he’s so sweet and also hard so I cannot convince him to leave me alone.