things

damn emma you on some emo ass shit

Okay, so I was reading through my emails (ew wtf is an email) from like sixth grade and I came across a message I'd sent to one of my closest friends.

It was basically something along the lines of 'I met this kid in band, he's a really sweet guy and we play the same instrument and yadadada sappy shit.'

Oh yeah, and "I think he likes me."

But for some reason, I actually felt like crying.

I wasn't sure why at first, but then it hit me.

I think he actually might've liked me back then. I doubt he like liked me but I honestly thought he actually considered me a friend.

When he switched instruments we basically stopped talking, but I've still liked him for three years.

THREE FRIGGING YEARS AND WE HAVEN'T HAD ONE STEADY CONVERSATION SINCE NOVEMBER OF 2012.

I kind of miss being able to talk to him freely. I kind of miss him. And I don't know why, either. I don't know why I like him, I don't know why he's able to get me to tear up, I don't know why I miss him. But I do.

And I'm just sitting in a corner here like "fuck".

I'm pretty sure I can count the amount of words we've exchanged throughout the three years I've liked him on one hand.

And no, I don't mean conversations.

I mean words.

Like, singular words.

I don't know why I'm feeling this now, but one of my friends told me a while ago he liked someone, and what hurts like hell is I know it's not me.

I don't know what to do to get him to notice me. Seriously, nothing works. And no matter how many times I try to forget about my crush, I still end up feeling desperate.

I'm just letting myself down, and setting myself up to get hurt but I've never really been good at keeping my feelings under wraps or any of that shit.

I know Maria told him that I liked him at the end of sixth grade but honestly, that didn't change his opinion on me. And I'm not sure whether to be happy or not about that.

I feel like a really basic teenager but I'm feeling the feels so I'm gonna go write gay emo fanfics ;-;