Silenced

Chapter 7- A Little Effort

Chapter 7

A Little Effort

Kaiser Donovan

I had spent the whole week avoiding August. It had been long and painful. Especially when a part of me wanted to run into to his arms and have him never let go.

But my brain and body didn't agree with my heart and that was the problem.

I sighed. I leaned back in the couch in Ms. McCain's waiting room. We were early. Really early. My dad had instisted in waiting with me and it took me a lot of glares to convince to go. I had asked my dad to pick me up early just to avoid seeing August again. He Was very persistent. And I hated to think that maybe that was one of the reasons that I cared about him so much.

I want to be better,I thought, I really do. But getting better doesn't just happen I have to work for it.

I thought about that as I waited for Ms. McCain.

Moments later, she hurried through the doors of her office.

"Hello Mr. Donovan. Sorry for the wait" she said.

She unlocked her office and we both entered. I sat on the much more comfortable sofa that sat in her room. I loked her office. It was probably because of all the times that I had been in here. I had gotten used to it by now.

It was one of my safe places. I trusted Ms. McCain. And I felt safe here.

Relaxing and streching myself out, I laid straight and stared at the ceiling.

There were three more cracks than last time. The paint was more chipped but that was only in the left section. My photographic memory has reminded me of that. Some times it could be the greatest blessings. And sometimes, most times it was the most vile curse.

I blinked hard to snap myself out of my self pity.

To get better I must try, I told myself.

I missed as to agree with myself. I then say up straight and watched as Ms. McCain settled in.

"Okay Then. How are you, Kai?" She asked.

I shrugged.

She blinked twice and looked again.

"Did you shrug?"

I nodded.

She smiled, "This is probably the most that I have gotten out of you in two years"

She took many notes and seemed rather proud of herself.

"So how is school?" She went on asking me the questions that she normally did. The only differences was that today she got some kind of response.

I shrugged again.

"So what? Is that a good shrug or a bad shrug?" She pondered.

I bit my bottom lip. A habit that I did when I was in a bad mood. Most of the time, I did it unconsciously. But this time it was to get the message across.

"Okay" she said smiling. I say back, happy that she understood.

"Why was it bad? " she asked.

I thought about how to answers.

"Wait. Nevermind. Let's stick to the simple stuff. Yes or no" she do ally said.

I was happy when she came to that conclusion because even though I was ready to try, I was not ready to talk. Not yet. Maybe not ever. I wasnt going to let that happen. But I had to take this one step at a time.

I focused my eyes on the ground. I stared at the brown tiles. I memorized where every single chip and crack was. I did it so that I wouldn't distract myself or convince myself not to do this anymore.

For some reason, my heart was beating out of my chest and I was in a mild pain. But I ignored it. I wanted to do this. I wanted to move on.

"So Kaiser, do you want to get better?" She asked.

I looked up at her. If course I did. That's why I'm trying, I thought, Why else would I respond?

"Just answer, please"

I slowly nodded.

"Then what is holding you back? Wait, let me rephrase. Is there something or someone holding you back?"

Once again, I nodded.

"Something?"

I shook my head no.

"So it's someone?"

No response.

She took notes on this and I dropped my eyes back to the ground.

I knew what was holding me back. It was him. Knowing that he was still around, that he could take me at anytime, sickened me.

But that wasn't the only thing. He wasn't the only one that was holding me back. The difference was that August was holding me back from being me and he was holding me back from being alive.

"Do you want to tell me who it is?" She asked.

I shook my head.

"That's okay. We made a lot of progress in a matter of minutes. Thirty to be exact. Now we have time left. Do you want to take a break?"

I quickly agreed.

"Okay Then. Feel free to sit there until time is up or if you want we could continue at any time or I could call your day to pick you up early. If that's what you want?" She said, "So you want me to call him?"

I shook my head no. Dad was stressed already. He didn't need to leave work early to pick me up. Not again. I would just sit here and wait.

I started to think about how I could try harder.

Maybe I could pull back on the touching, I thought, That would make dad feel better. And he deserves to feel better.

I debated whether I was ready for that or not.

Before I came to a decision, the timer rang. Had time realy gone by that fast?

"Looks like our time is up. See you tomorrow?" She said.

I nodded. Standing up, I walked over to the door and let myself out.

Today had been a very productive day.

************
Thanks For Over A Thousand Reads!!!!!!

And So Kaiser Is Spreading His Wings. He Is Going To Try Harder. For His Dad. And For August.

P.s. I Need A Ship Name.

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