Silenced

Chapter 15- Baby Steps

Chapter 15

Baby Steps

Kaiser Donovan

Have you ever tried to convince yourself to do something that you know you can't do?

I laid flat on the couch. Every now and then, I could see my dad looking over at me. August had went home with his detail. And My dad and I were back home.

I sighed mentally and closed my eyes. He had paperwork to do. Usually he would do it in the library aka his office. But he was worried about me. He would never admit it but I know that why.

I want to do this. I want to have a conversation with my dad. I opened my eyes and looked towards him.

Why can't I do it? Am I not trying hard enough? Or is the world just against me? It wouldn't be anything new.

My dad looked at his watch. Then at me.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

I shook my head.

"Don't think just because you didn't go to school that you don't have to go to Ms. McCain."

I groaned loudly.

"It's almost time. Go get dressed. Hurry, okay?"

I know that he only told me to hurry because he would think the worst if I was up there too long. I nodded anyway and ran upstairs.

It didn't take long for me to change in a light blue button up shirt and dark jeans. As I tied my shoes, I saw something sparkle in the corner of my eyes.

I stood up and searched for it. It was under my bed. I pulled it out.

It was a necklace. My mother's necklace. It was a silver butterfly with a diamond outline of the wings. She had gotten in from my father when they were dating. It was their verison of a promise ring. She had given it to me when he got shipped off so that I would always have a part of them with me.

And I had lost it. But I never told her. I didn't want her to be mad. And she never found out because she didn't get a chance to realize. Because I got taken. And when I was back, She was gone.

I held the butterfly in my hand, my eyes unconsciously watering. I sniffled quietly. I put the necklace on and placed the token under my shirt so that my dad wouldn't notice.

I got up from the floor and left my room. I met up with my dad at the top of the stairs. I had been in there for a while.

"Are you ready?" He asked.

I nodded slowly and pills out my phone to check the time. 2:23. My appointment was at 3 but it was a twenty minute drive on a good day so we had to leave now.

We walked downstairs and out to the car.

I climbed in the back seat. I gazed outside, but focused on nothing. I felt my wrist for my rubber band. I pulled at it the whole ride. The ride seemed shorter than ever but it made no difference to me.

My dad parked and we got out of the car. We walked into the building. I looked at the time again. 2:45.

We were early. Ms. McCain came out her office just we approached. She looked shocked.

"Kaiser, Mr. Donovan. You're early." She stated.

"I know. I thought it would take longer to get her because of traffic but of course there wasn't any so here we are. Early. " my dad rattled on.

That was bad, I thought.

"Well since you're here and I don't have a patient you can come on in." She said.

I hesitantly nodded. I didn't want to go in ever. Why would I want to go in early? But it wasn't as if I could argue.

I walked into her office slowly. I sat in my usual seat.

Ms. McCain walked in after a short conversation with my dad.

She watched me from across the room, waiting like she always did.

I sat back, pulling at my rubber band, like I always did.

We stayed quiet, watching each other, like we always did.

This always happened. And it wasn't working. I wanted to do something that would work. I had to do something that would work. I needed it.

I leaned forward in my seat. Ms. McCain's eyebrow rose and she did the same. We looked at it each in complete silence, like before. But this was different.

We were looking at each and not towards.

"Do you want to do something or are we just going to look at each other until time is up, like usual?" She asked.

I froze.

It was up to me. I was the only one holding myself back. And I was the only one that could move myself fowards.

We locked eyes, once again.

And I nodded. Yes, I did want to do something. For once, I did.

*******

I Know This Is Really Late And Kind Of Short. Sorry!

Realize That His Little Pep Talks Are Very Necessary. He Shows That He Is The One That Is Pushing Himself And Why. But Sometimes They Don't Work. And The Slow Progress In His Behavior Is Also There For A Reason. Some People Heal Quickly And Others Don't.

Scars To Your Beautiful Is My New Favorite Song.

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