Silenced

Chapter 13- Looking For Answers

Chapter 13

Looking For Answers

Kaiser Donovan

My boisterous alarm rang as loud as it could, interrupting my sleep that had, for once, been peaceful.

I reached over, repeatedly slapping the desk around it, trying to find the culprit.

After seconds of trying, I felt someone reach over me and then the alarm clock off before placing the same arm around my waist.

I froze. What? What just happened? I racked my brain for any recolation of last night.

It took a second but it all came back to me.

Everything that happened last night. I gasped, as my heart rate sped up.

I fell asleep. Next to August. And he was still here. Damn. It.

Everything stopped. But for some reason, I didn't pull away. I didn't panic. I don't know why but I didn't. I actually enjoyed it. I liked being in his arms. For some reason.

He shifted, slowly waking up. I shut my eyes quickly, pretending that I was still sleeping. He rolled away from me. After sitting up, he groaned.

I heard movements but held my postion. Seconds later, I could feel August breathing on me. As he get closer, my heart rate quickened. He kissed my cheek before pulling away.

"Kai. Kai. Kai. Wake up." He said softly, while shaking me a little.

I shifted, pretending that I was sleeping. I rubbed my eyes. I groaned a little to add to the ploy before opening my eyes.

"Good morning." He said brightly.

I felt tempted to smile at how happy he was but restrained myself. I felt good. For once, suicidal thoughts weren't the only ones running through my head. I enjoyed the feeling. For however long it would last.

As if on cue, everything came back to me. Everything. And I came crashing back down to Earth. I flew up into a sitting postion.

The smile fell off my face and a placid look replaced it.

"What's wrong?" August asked, extremely aware.

So many things were going through my head at this point.

Last night, I saw a body.

A body.

There was a body outside of my house. A human body.

My heart rate sped up against my will.

It wasn't just any body. It was delivery boy, Angel.

This was my fault. I know it was him. He left the roses. He always leaves the roses. For me. He leaves them for me.

I jumped out of my bed and rushed into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

Calm down. Calm down. Just calm down.

I hit the side of my head repeatedly. Sliding down the wall, I say on the cold floor next to the bath tub.

Chill. Inhale. Exhale. This isn't working. Damn it.

The temptation to cut myself was there. It was painfully there. I grabbed my kit out of its hiding spot. I held it in my hands, debating about what to do with it. My hands were visibly shaking. I held the pouch against my chest and breathed slowly.

I opened my eyes. Inhaled. Closed them. Exhaled. I repeated the process, like Ms. McCain had showed me.

Standing up, I took the kit and threw it in the trash.

Ok. Ok. Ok. Good job. Ok. I'm ok.

I walked out of the bathroom. August was sitting on the edge of my bed, staring at the door. He jumped up when I walked out.

"Are you okay? I didn't mean to scare you. But you see crying last night and I was trying to make you feel better. But then you fell asleep. And I fell asleep.  The point is, I'm sorry for touching you. I forgot." He ranted on.

I smiled softly. I nodded at him.

"Is that you accepting my apology or what?" He inquired.

I nodded, even though he wasn't the reason for my freak out. I just couldn't explain.

Honestly, I had forgotten that he had touched me.

I walked towards the door. Seconds before my arrival to it, August appeared in front of me.

"Your dad said to stay in here. He'll bring breakfast at nine."

I gave him a questioning look.

"There's still a bunch of people here for last night. Well, early this morning."

My heart dropped a little.

"I mean I still don't know what happened. But based on your reaction, I don't think that I want to."

You don't. Trust me.

I say down at my desk and August sat on my bed.

He killed someone. He killed Angel. Someone that I barely know. Someone that I had never talked to. Why? The question floated around my head.

Why would he kill someone that is virtually a stranger to me?

I sighed and rested my head on my desk. I looked at my clock. 8:56.

My dad should be here any minute now. I rubbed my eyes. I hadn't slept that much. None of us had. I peered over to August who was scanning the room with his eyes.

He didn't want to know what I saw. I sure of that. But he would find out eventually.

This was all my fault. Everything that's happening. He has escalated to killing. And I don't even know why.

I hated myself. For letting this happen. I needed to speak up. But I couldn't. It was like my vocal cords had shut down. I felt as if I couldn't talk anymore. But I had to. And I hated myself for not being strong enough to do it. I hate myself for a lot of reasons.

But I hated myself for reasons that only I could fix. I felt sorry for myself and that was my problem. I was the only one that could fix it. And I had to. This had gone far enough. I've Been quiet for too long. Other people are paying the price. I was the only one that could do anything and i had to do something.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. Right?

*********

Straight Outta Oz By Todrick Hall Soundtrack Is Life.

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