Silenced

Chapter 27- Risky

Chapter 27

Risky

Kaiser Donovan

I stared at the my reflection in the mirror, taking more of everything that I was.

Red hair. Green eyes. A cluster of freckles on each cheek that could only be seen if you looked for it. A deep one sided dimple . Frown lines. Creases on my forehead.

Stepping away, I fell back into my bed, letting the small mirror rest next to me. I was fairly attractive, right? I mean on the outside and all. It would take talking to know what I was like on the inside and I wasn't one for that.

Closing my eyes, I thought back. Are you okay? I hated the question. It was the most frequently asked and the answer was always the same a slight nod and shrug. Saying no tended to concern the person asking so I refrained from doing it.

Honestly? I didn't know how I was. I was not freaking out but I was not at peace. Things had been better but they had also been worst. I was still worried about him appearing again, if he had even appeared the first time. He had yet to make any sort Id contact. My father thinks that he went underground again. Maybe he died or got tired of me.

Hopefully the first one becuase the second likely meant that he had found someone else to torment. I pushed the thought from my head and pulled out the journal that I had gotten all those years ago. I ended drawing on most pages instead of writing. But I was going to write today, at least a little.

Another day, another win. Right? That was what I was supposed to believe. And as nice of a sentiment as it was, it wasn't really comforting. What if that whole day was filled with pain and struggle and bad thoughts. Sure, you made it through the day. Physically at least. Mentally was a whole other story. Being called a survivor instead of a victim, it boost the esteem of a person. I know this may sound inconsiderate but it made no difference to me. Victim, survivor, we all had suffered. Labelling us didn't really change that.

I haven't written for a while. I know I've neglected you ever since I got Mr new sketchbook. But today, I need to vent, in words. I have a secret that i have to get out.

I think I like someone. It's weird because I never thought that I would, not after it all. But here I am, hung up on a boy. At least, I think I am. I'm not really sure, I've never felt like this before. Its just that I feel weird around him, like my heart speeds up. And I blush so easily and never look him in the eyes. I allow his touch, even thought I hate the feeling of others. He makes me smile with the littlest things and he is a great guy. And I know that he has feelings for me but I'm not sure if he still does. I'm not sure because so much has happened since he kissed me. He made me feel weird but in a good way and being around him made me happy. Not a lot of things did. He went out of his way to accommodate me. Like at lunch, he always checks on me. Asking if I'm okay or if I'm hungry or if I need anything. And he always walks me to my next class. And offers to carry my books. It's sweet, it's so sweet. But I don't want him to be stuck on me forever. Who knows when I'll be better? He deserves to be happy too.

I want to let him go. I've tried but honestly? Sometimes he's the reason that I want to go to school. The reason that I get out of bed. The reason that I feel like I can be normal. Why can't I be? Normal, that is. I want to be normal for once. I want to go to school dances or cheer people on at a sports game. I want to talk to people in the hallway and make jokes in the locker room. I want to just be a happy normal teenager. Just for a moment, it didn't have to be long. I just didn't want to be asked if I was okay anymore. I want. . . I didn't know what I wanted. But I knew that it wasn't this.

I closed the book. I twirled my hair in my hand, holding my phone in the other.

I should do it,  I thought.

I twirled my hair. I should send that risky text. I bit my bottom lip. I opened my messages, scrolling down to August's name. I clicked it.

It didn't have to be a super risky text, just a simple hello or what's up. My thumb hovered over the keyboard. I typed in Hey before erasing it. I replaced it with a What's up? I erased that to. What seemed like a good thing to say? I bit my lip harder before sighing and turning my line screen off.

What if he doesn't respond? What if he doesn't see that message? Or what if he had gotten over me and I mess up our friendship? The thoughts swirled around in my head.

I pushed off the headboard, laying down in my bed. I'd just go to sleep and trying again in the morning. I rolled my eyes, knowing that I'd find another excuse to delay it. I picked up my phone again, tossed it between my hands before holding it firmly in one. I rolled over onto my stomach and opened my messages again. Clicked on his name again. Hovered over the keyboard again. I groaned and rolled over, my heart pounding in my chest.

Hi. Sent 4:24.

******
I'm So Bad At Updating But I Hope You Enjoyed.

Please Vote And Comment!

5.98k Reads
348 Votes
65 Comments
3/3/18