Infinite: Newtmas & Dylmas Oneshots

1// Infinite

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Genre: fluff

Pairing: Newtmas

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Thomas had always been pretty scared.

When he was five, a spider landed on his knee while he played on the playground. He screamed, terrified of the eight-legged creature, convinced that it was going to kill him. As he trembled in his teacher's comforting arms, his peers laughed at him, calling him a "scaredy-cat."

Thomas hoped desperately that spiders were the worst of his fears.

When he was seven, he became certain that there was something lurking in the dark. Every night, he stared at each shadow in his room individually, silently daring it to move. When none did, he buried himself in his blankets, pulled the duvet up to his chin, and listened. Every cry of a night owl made him jump, every rustle of the wind made him whimper, every creak of his house made his heart race.

Thomas watched the clock each night until the numbers transformed into daytime, silently praying he'd never be as scared of anything else as much as he feared the dark.

When he turned ten, Thomas decided he really didn't like heights too much either. He stared down at the ground from a hundred feet high, and suddenly his head was swimming and his knees were shaking. His sister patted his back in comfort, but Thomas heard nor felt nothing. He could hardly breathe as he climbed each step to the top of the water slide, all the while wishing he had never looked down.

Even as he plunged down the slide, screams ripping through his throat, Thomas decided that he would leave being up high for birds.

When he was eleven, Thomas discovered the horrors of public speaking. His classmates watched him with blank expressions and zoned-out minds, but Thomas felt as if they were each individually scrutinizing his every word. He felt too exposed, like a turtle without its shell, and he wished the two minutes were up already because everything was embarrassing and he was stupid for not making flashcards and everyone was laughing at him and--

As he sank back into his chair with a bright red face, Thomas knew public speaking was scarier than spiders, the dark, and heights combined.

At thirteen, Thomas watched his parents argue with loud voices, both flushed in anger. They threw harsh insults at each other and colorful curses around as if Thomas didn't sit five feet away. Then suddenly the room fell silent as the haunting word divorce echoed in all of their minds, a looming reality that Thomas had never expected. His mother rushed out of the room and his father followed soon after, but Thomas was sure they wouldn't be sleeping in the same bed tonight. He was left alone in the dimming darkness of his living room, staring at the slightly crooked paintings and chipping colors of the wall.

A tear ran down his cheek as Thomas wondered if all love ended like this, and if love was even real at all.

At fourteen, reality began to set in, and suddenly everything wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. As he entered high school, he quickly earned the titles, "whimp" and "pussy" and every other derogatory term a group of freshman could think up. He quickly became both an outsider and a target, for his fears disabled him from standing up to others or speaking his thoughts at all.

Sitting on the bus each day, bits of paper being pelted into the back of his head, Thomas determined that teenagers were cruel, ruthless human beings, and yes, he was scared of them now too.

When he was fifteen, he had other distracting thoughts on his mind. He wasn't blind nor ignorant, and he noticed when the other guys were getting girlfriends or hooking up, and he had no desire to do either. Questions began floating around in his head, thoughts he sure didn't like, and he wondered if maybe the love his parents had had wasn't the same type of love nor relationship he strived for.

Coming out as gay was absolutely the scariest thing he ever had to do.

At seventeen he was laying on his back on the dewy grass, staring at the starlit sky. His thoughts were clouded by college and adulthood and the big question of "what next?" but Thomas refused to think about any of that, for it scared him far too much. Instead he focused on the endless sky above him, stretching on forever and ever and ever. He was just one dot in a vastly empty universe, and suddenly he felt too small and too unworthy in a reality so unending.

After that, Thomas decided that the idea of infinity was far too terrifying to handle.

When he was nineteen he met Newton for the first time, or Newt, as the blond boy insisted on being called. He was a tall, gangly British man, taking University classes in America, and Thomas had stumbled and blushed his was through his first encounter with him. By the time they parted ways, Newt had left with a bit-lip smile, and Thomas left with the knowledge that he really, really liked Newt, particularly as much more than a friend.

The thought terrified him.

And even when he was twenty-two, Thomas still hadn't grown out of his tendency to be fearful. This time, however, he was determined not to shy away from his thoughts, but to face them head on. Spiders, darkness, heights, peers, infinity--well, maybe not infinity--seemed like whimsical agitations in comparison to this, the moment that could change his life.

Thomas was scared as he had knelt down on one knee before Newt, his hands shaking but his voice even, as he asked for the latter's hand in marriage. He was scared as the seconds ticked by with no response, Newt's speechlessness feeling like eternities as he waited. Every man, woman, child in the restaurant held their breath as they awaited the boy's response, small smiles adorning each face. Thomas licked his lips and prayed to every divine force willing to listen that this man, this wholeful, incredible man, would say yes to him.

As he stared at Newt's wide eyes and half-opened mouth, Thomas thought that yes, infinity was the worst of all of his fears, because right here, right now, Thomas could either regret this moment from here into infinity, or he could be nothing but happy from here until infinity.

And then Newt was smiling, tears falling down his cheeks as he lunged himself into Thomas's arms, all the while nodding furiously. Relief pooled in Thomas's chest and he too began crying tears of joy because for the first time in his life his fears weren't paralyzing him, but exhilarating him. He kissed Newt hard and with passion, clinging onto the blond as if he were his only light in his sea of darkness.

Thomas had always been scared. Of spiders, the dark, of heights, of questioning, of love, but now at least he would have Newt by his side to ward away all of his fears. And though infinity was still impossible for Thomas to ignore, especially as Newt kissed him while promising just that, suddenly it didn't seem all that scary either.

Because in that moment, Thomas had never felt more

Infinite.

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