Just Me

Depression!

Depression, as most of you know, is just about being sad. But no, that's not it. When depression strikes it hits you not only with sadness but also anxiety, insecurities, guilt, regrets, pain and many other things. But what's the point cause the majority think that depression is just a way to get all the attention on your side. And the last thing someone with depression wants is attention. Yes, a person to talk to is what's needed but definitely not attention.

When does depression strike?
For starters whenever it wants to. It's like one morning you wake up and depression just hits you hard in the face with a brick even before you're out of bed. Everything just comes back to you when you're looking at people having fun and you wish you could share it with someone. Also, you've been given the cold shoulder. Now that hurts bad. And it hurts the worst when you're angry a lot and can do nothing about it so you just sit there and cry when all those thoughts about self harm just flow into you quicker than the Ganges flowing down through the Himalayas. It gets worse when everything you believed in life was false and it was all a lie and you now have to start from scrap and you have no clue how to go about it. It just happens.

Lately, things have been changing way faster than I can deal with and its all so hard to make sense of. I find myself at a loss for words most of the time because there are so many thoughts just running parallel in my head. Talking about how I feel does not mean I need a reality check and it sure as hell doesn't mean I need to get over myself!

Life always catches us off guard. Old things, where you found the maximum comfort, start giving you shoe bites and new things well they're still new. It's all just one big ball of awkwardness. Life was like "Hey Appy its summer how would you like a tall refreshing glass of awkwardness" and just shoves it down your throat.

Lately, I love doing something I'd never thought I could do. Just sitting in a corner and hoping the room would just be empty. And I'm always tired and it's not just because of the 3 hours of sleep every night, but emotionally. Like I don't even wanna try to smile anymore. Everyone and everything changes and I guess this is just me changing. But you know what doesn't change? The mutual love and understanding between me and fries. They're the best thing to happen to man kind.

Never let bullies get to you. Giving them the deaf ear is best way away from them. I know it's easier said than done, but then again surround their negative remarks by the sound of legs tapping to your favourite song. There is so much more to believe than the hurtful comments of a few ignorant people.

There are days when you just wanna jump off a roof and the others where you wanna hug everyone you see. Here's me signing off, hoping for more days where I look forward to people.