Just Me

Dumb, Ugly, Fat and a bitch

These words kept running in my head again and again like that new song I've been playing on loop on my iPod. At least I got bored of that song after a week my mind seems to have adapted to it. Just the way you don't want to come out of your new sketchers once you've gotten past the shoe bite phase. I woke up today with the 'most important' exam I'll give just two days away and what I did? Went cycling, and then a lil' workout, breakfast with mum, a movie by hallmark on how true love exists for everyone and then it was so inspiring. Oh wait you thought that the hallmark movie was inspiring? Nope. It was nice but then I watched Kalki. Now she is what I call inspiring. Every day I wake up and I say Appy today you're going to finish the chapter you started on god and then start studying for reals but c'mon those are unrealistic goals. I think that's so because it's not what I want to do. I want to dance all day and talk my heart's content out.

I think I know why I watch so many movies every day. It's probably because it's a tough world I live in so I like to go where the grass looks greener or probably because silence brings me back to everything I've been running away from. I mean I do kinda wish I was physically running 'cause oh boy! Am I becoming a lazy ass bitch or what?

BITCH! A very interesting word if I must say. I was called that when I gave you what you wanted and also when I said no and I meant it. I might've caught it every now and then cause I was too big to fit into your narrow brain or too tall to cover under your insecurities. And honey if you think bitch offends me I'm sorry but that's what I call an understatement. If bitch is the word you give to someone who is true to her views, someone who doesn't ever get a thought that she is too precious to the world, to that someone who stands against a system, who is too busy to care for your petty excuses, that one with ambitions and sometimes raging hormones? Then well I'm more than happy to be that bitch. I will be the bitchiest bitch you'll find. Someone made out of pure evil and yet the kindest of the lot near you.

Bitch is not the only label that is tossed around. Cause people look at my face, my eyes, my clothes, my moods, my shoes, my voice, my sacrifice, my now and my then, my fight, my time, my love, my light, my heart, my mistakes and  my very being. And I wanted to tell you what I've told myself. Just two words. 'You're beautiful' okay probably those are three but you get it. Your eyes. They aren't something like the song you heard yesterday, blue and deep but they're beautiful. They're brown, like torched whipped cream. Your hair is more stubborn than you'll ever be. And I know that's not quite possible. But they are and they make you just as wild and wonderful as your heart. Your body is beautiful. There is never such thing as too many rolls on your stomach or that you look like a momo. It changes a lot but it makes you beautiful. No height is ever 'short' it's just the perspective of the viewer. And your skin is not a shade card choosing which happiness will arrive. Every little thing and every little habit of yours is perfect. I promise.

As you're growing up you're given labels. Some big, some small, some scary and well some just as light hearted jokes. But what label others give to you hardly matters. What opinion they have plastered about you is your least concern. The goals they thrust upon you is not your life's path. Their standardized beauty is not a mould you need to fit in. their rules that'll confine you will grow as you do but just know when you can break them and when you can't. Their dialogues don't have to be the ones in your script because they don't define you as well as you do. Do things that are going to scare you 'because you aren't gonna be learning jack shit from your good memories.

Oh they told you that you aren't a well behaved Indian girl? Stop them and ask them what is their 'well behaved' or 'Indian' or for that matter 'girl'. Rip that label right out and empower yourself. You have the choice. I'm not saying it'll come easy. You might have to fight, rebel out of the way to them realize that your freedom is as important as theirs. Because sometimes even when the words are there we leave them unspoken. Even when we want to fight back we clench our fists like Arthur and let it go. to someone who's asked you to change your clothes cause they are provocative, to someone whose told you that you should be more lady like, to someone who has been nagging you about the lack of colours in your wardrobe or that someone who's been telling you how colorful your vocabulary is getting. I've got two words again. 'Fuck them' and to you I say," damn girl, that is one hell of a booty, fuck darling aren't you a stud with boobs, black is such a happy colour, and we could write 'colorful' poetry combining our vocabularies".

When I say empower yourself, empowerment is definitely not trying to be someone else. Take a step back and realize we need a sense of humor. It is okay to be a strong woman and laugh at sexist jokes. Its okay to say I have humungous assets, so what!? What's beautiful in all of us is our uniqueness.

When you read this chapter name I bet you were like its going to be the same old cribbing about the labels we get but no. its about making my own labels to myself.  So these are the labels I associate myself with irrespective of what someone thinks about it.

I'm a STRONG, well WITTED individual who doesn't care about getting my heart broken. I'm not ashamed of the things I do, of the choices I take or the places I end up in. I'm a funny girl who'll love you no matter. I'm just having fun and getting the BEST OF ALL WORLDS.

That's me.