Just Me

Once in a while.

Every once in a while things take a turn. For better or for worse we'll never know. But they do.

Every once in a while something magical happens, something that makes you forget everything you've been through. Someone that appreciates you for the things you love doing. And in that every once in a while someone comes along who you can share your sorrows with and help each other out of the cocoon you've been staying in.

But also, in those every once in a while you feel that the corner of your room is a paradise. That everything you've been living for is not worth it. Those every once in a while where you can't trust yourself with anything lethal. The times when your search history has more about poison than the happy songs you should be listening to. Those times when you feel like no amount of magic can fix you.

Then again, these little butterflies enter your stomach every once in a while when you get the perfect hug or a person you can relate to. Feel like the luckiest person! Cause it's not always when you get friends who love you even when you shut them cause of a stupid anxiety phase. Also, every once in a while you get the best life coach there is.

Every once in a while you're a pin point away from growing up. Those moments where taking a shortcut seems like the path custom designed for you. Times when you just want to fall into the obscurity but then again have to apologize for that awkward silence you created.

There are also those times when you meet someone wonderful and just like you. A person you bond over about how clumsy you are. And then there's this other person who looks up to you irregardless of the insecurities you have. Just those times when your insecurities act as a driving force for you to live every moment. When you have enough confidence to face and own up to your problems and you see every day with a little bit of good in it.

Sometimes there comes along a person who breaks your trust and makes you question in everything you believe. Sometimes maybe there is someone who wants you to get hurt and they are pretty darn good at it. Moments when you are sick to your stomach about crying yourself to sleep every night. And your legs become non-existent when you wake up to face a normal day.

Little joys of everyday life. Countless laughs with your loved ones. The many smiles you exchanged throughout the day. The new people you meet who make it a little more bearable. The puns, the laughs and the times where you feel you fit right in. Those moments you wish you could put a pause on. Those lovely times when you feel like you are living in the last part of a rom com.

Yes there are those times when you feel like you've locked yourself in a broken house you can't escape from. That you are gunshots muffled by a few city blocks. That your absence is louder than your existence. That one time when you finally look up to yourself in the mirror and gulp down 10gms of paracetamol.

But thinking about it the joys of your life over powers everything negative happening around you. But there is the one once in a while where that just isn't enough a reason for you to live. That one weak moment you find it easier to push down 15 pills rather than just smiling. That once in a while where you survive through a night after taking thrice the amount of the restricted usage.

I had my once in a while moment where I can say I have a super natural liver.