Please... (Mavi/PTX)

26

My eyes felt incredibly heavy. I could've tried to keep them open but there was no reason why I should. There was nothing worth living for anymore. The hero I tried to be at the beginning, the one in shining armour with a set of loyal soldiers fighting side by side with me, gone and forgotten. I wondered what they would write on my tomb.
Mitch Grassi, gone due to his weakness to stay alive.
Mitch Grassi, a boy who failed to spread his wings and fly.
Mitch Grassi,  who thought he could save someone while he himself died instead.
How did it come so far? I should be at Scott's home, sitting at the edge of the bed on which Aviwould lay, talking about hopes and wishes. I should've taken his hand and I should've guided him towards heaven but instead I was laying outside under the falling snow while he was most probably crying and mentally screaming in the bathroom.

I turned my head and forced my eyes to focus on a place I rarely visited. Next to the park there was a graveyard, now covered in a thick layer of snow. Some tombs were positioned under trees, shielding them from rain and snow, displaying them at all times. Where they privileged? Why were some covered and some laid freely? Even after you died you would never be able to escape your status and position in this society. Bound til death. I hated it..

My body hurt like crazy, I felt as if my limbs could fall off at any second but I somehow managed to stand up and walk towards the graveyard. I didn't know what pulled me towards it. The souls reaching out for me, trying to get in contact with the living? The dark aura radiating from it, enfolding me and carrying me towards the old rusty gate, the gate to the world of the dead? The awareness of becoming one of them sometime soon, when my body would give up once and for all? My shaking fingers lingered on the gate, my eyes roaming the place in front of me. This was the graveyard of the poorer people in the city. I never came here, non of my relatives were buried here so there was no reason why I should enter it. Dishonouring the dead, great way to go Mitch, just great. I sighed and opened the gate, a creaky sound escaping from it, creating goose bumps on my ice cold skin. A wave of negative thoughts passed by and I debated wether I should carry on or just turn around and leave. I folded the letter, which rested in my left hand the entire time, and put it in my pocket, pulling up the zipper so I wouldn't loose it. 

I always hated it when people wandered around graveyards for no apparent reason but now that I did it myself I found something so calming about it. I felt like as if I was at home. Six feet under and still a part of this world. Funny isn't it? My mind was going crazy.

I walked in between the different graves, some of them covered more than others. I tried to read their names but because I didn't want to touch them I had no success on decoding their names or dates of birth and death. Sometimes I managed to read the year in which they were born. 2014,2015,2016. It broke my heart to know that some of them died young and on the other hand I saw it as a good thing. They would never have to experience the cruelty this world had to offer, they departed before anything could harm then and I envied them. Why couldn't that be me.. or Avi? I knew it was a bad thing to wish death upon someone but Avi deserved to be in heaven and I ripped it away from him, only so we could be together on earth..

Reaching the tombs I've see from afar, the ones which laid underneath the huge pine trees, I sat down in front of the row cris crossed, fumbling with my fingers and biting my lip. What kind of people laid there? Were they more important than the others? What were their stories?
I began to read their dates, one by one, from left to right.
So young. Some of them not older than ten years old. The age I had when bullying nearly became too much to handle. 

One tomb caught my attention and I propped myself onto my hands and knees, crawling towards it, eyes never leaving the tomb. The letters became more edged, clearer for me to read. Letter after letter, fulfilling the names, forming images in my mind. My head hurt when I took in the information fully and I fell back, eyes widened, heart beating faster. My cold skin began to heat up and there was a sudden burning sensation in my chest.
That must be some sick kind of joke, that couldn't be possible...!
I rubbed my tired eyes and focused on the stone once more, tears welling up and staining my cheeks.

Here lay
Shelly Kaplan    *unknown  ϯ17.04.1989        

Michael Kaplan *unknown  ϯ18.04.1989

and Avriel Benjamin Kaplan  *17.04.1989   ϯ17.04.1989

This book will end.. #soon. I'm the worst I know 

Thank you for reading, voting and commenting! <3

#Yanie