Please... (Mavi/PTX)

27

A/N: Longer chapter! Also can you do me a favour and explain what you like or don't like about this book? Both POVs are appreciated. Thank you!

Shock lingered around my body. An unknown force wrapped it's hands around my neck, depriving me from breathing, causing my body to go limb after a few seconds of mere struggling to stay awake. The tomb was the last thing I saw before my head fell onto the snow-covered ground and my vision faded to black. Those dates carved into the stone. I knew nothing about Avi's father or mother so theirs could be valid but his.. How was he dead and alive at the same time? It made no sense.. Did Avi knew his own grave already existed? With a body laying in the ground which was supposed to be his? Did he knew that he was supposed to be dead?

It was more of a calmish sleep than an unconscious state when my soul detached itself from my body for a while. The thoughts coursing through my mind couldn't be ordered, they had no beginning and no ending.
The letter.
Maybe I haven't read it carefully enough. Maybe it held the missing piece of information to solve this mystery around death. Around his death which was not supposed to be planned beforehand.

It was getting dark when my eyes opened and readjusted themselves to the dim light of the street lamp a few feet away from where I was first laying and now sitting. I rubbed the back of my head, the fall hasn't been a gentle one and I fought against the pounding sensation in my head, making every oh so little sound around me appear much louder than usual. The snow began to fall once again. The cold particles forming in the air and descending to earth hit my skin but had no effect. My outer shell was too cold to feel any difference anymore so I didn't shiver when the snowflakes landed on my blue and frozen canvas called body. Everything inside me though was boiling. Not in rage but in fear and uncertainty mixed with nervousness and indecision. What was I supposed to do with this information?

I took out the letter and unfolded it while I walked towards the lamp slowly and sat down with my back leaning against the source of light. The snowflakes landed on the paper, making it wet and soggy. I didn't have much time left. The paper would vanish in between my hands, the only insight look I got of Avi. Rereading it still planted that sickening feeling in my stomach, where you feel physically ill due to what you're reading because it touches you in a whole different way. It began with his main word which started the conversation I regretted writing it down later on.

Please.

The most innocent word created by human beings. It's visible in everyone's eyes, the way they behave and move, they way they tell us how they feel. Desperation, want, need, appreciation... So much meaning behind six letters randomly put together and forming a word.

You can tell me anything.I'm here. I won't leave.

A blatant lie I realized just now. Where was I now when he needed me the most? Sitting on the ground, snow nearly covering me, the wish to die. So selfish and yet so selfless. This was for him, so he could live my life and I would live his..but not for long.

Promise you won't tell anyone.

There it was. The guilt stabbing me right in the heart. I promised it and yet I broke that promise. He trusted me with his whole being, at least with what was left of him, and I just threw it away as if it didn't matter. As if he didn't matter..

I promise. Tell me how you feel.

Like a psychologist who tried to cure a patient while he himself had even more mental illnesses but covered it with professionalism and reputation. I was neither a psychologist nor did I have mental illnesses but I knew I was silently developing one...

I can't do this any longer. I want to leave.

Such a simple request and yet it was not my place to set him free.

It's okay. Take a deep breath. What happened?

The time had come where he opened up to me. Sentence by sentence he told me about the man who claimed to be his father but didn't want Avi to call him "dad" or speak to him at all. Avi had to obey him since that was the only way the man could control him and his mind fully and that was not even the worst information I got.

I was supposed to look down and kneel before him. Not allowed to speak when in the house. He would beat me senseless even when I was innocent but there was always a reason why he would raise his hands and collide them with my face. He had done everything with me. Any kind of abuse. Mentally, physically, sexually. There was no escape. I slept on the ground next to his bed like a dog.Was not allowed to eat anything until he told me to. Never had the opportunity to shower, stay out longer or wear proper clothes. Him being an alcoholic made everything worse... Whenever he called me.. Avriel I was his girlish toy, the one with whom he could play out his wildest sexual dreams and I hated my name more than anything. It didn't define who I was but what my purpose on earth was. A person with no rights whatsoever and he made sure to keep me quiet and under his control by breaking my vocal chords and threatening me to never dare to run away or else the world around me would burn... Sadly I was already in hell.
Friends were forbidden, no social contact. I had to please him at any time or else consequences would appear and be marked by his belt. If the belt was not at hand he would beat me with empty bottles, I've been more unconscious than concious and when I woke up I always knew what he had done to me. The marks never left. There was no excuse good enough for him when I came home later after college, for him it was a sign of rebellion and had to be punished.
Mitch, I tried to escape. So many times and yet he still found me and beat me up worse than before... Why did you have to save me? I could've finally died!

I wiped away the tears and saw the letters vanishing due to the snow. I didn't have much time left. Soon and his words would only exist in my mind.

I wanted to help you to get better. There must be something I can do. Please tell me if there is one. It hurts to see you like this.

Because I love you, I added mentally.
And then he said the most simple but also most confusing thing. I didn't get what he meant by that but played my role in his plan to get better.

This world is cruel. Not enough space for every single one of us. One of us will live peacefully and one of us will have to die.

Thank you for reading, voting and commenting! ♡

#Yanie