Please... (Mavi/PTX)

Epilogue (sad)

A/N: Play the song if you want..

They graveyard was silent. Passing tomb after tomb, eyes glued to the ground, flowers in my hands. The snow fell onto my suit. Black meeting white. Complete opposites yet one couldn't exist without the other one. I wiped away the tears; even a week after his death I couldn't get myself to calm down. Nothing has been the same since he left. I stopped going to college, never left the house to remain in my bed, curled up in a ball, contemplating if I should join him in heaven but realized that those who committed suicide would land in hell. That's what they told me and I never wanted to go against my angel. He looked so peaceful when he took his last breath, the dullness took over and destroyed the last gleam in his eyes. Avi's limp body in my arms, so lifeless yet warm I couldn't believe he would never look at me with those green beautiful eyes again. My heart shattered when I felt his last heartbeat against my palm, knowing I was the person to witness his final movement. It hurt to experience the love of my life slipping away from me even when they laid in my arms; I not being able to bring them back. He was gone...

After shooting at him, the bullet entering his brain, his eyes widening due to the pain, the tormentor ran out of the house, leaving Scott and I behind with Avi in his last moments on this earth. Those minutes were the worst ones of my life. Us rushing to stop the bleading, me talking to Avi to explain why he couldn't leave me yet, the hospital telling us they wouldn't come in time.. Avi's hourglass letting go of its last grain of sand, the time has come...

Only us four were there, kneeling before his own grave. The black tombstone with white letters telling everyone his name. Avi Kaplan. The boy who died too soon and didn't get a say in the way his life should be like. Like a puppet, his strings firmly grasped by his keeper, then severing them with one clean cut, letting the used ragdoll fall onto the ground. He could've been the king of the world if someone would've saved him sooner. If only someone would have taking him home...I didn't allow anyone to write neither his date of birth, nor his date of death on the tomb. In my heart he would live forever and it should remain that way. Immortal angel looking down onto earth, smiling, knowing he was free...

Reaching his tomb I stopped walking, my head still hanging low. I knew where his grave laid without looking at it, I felt it when I walked through the gates of the graveyard, an invisible force guiding me. I visited him everyday, always in a suit, always buying flowers. As if I was going to our wedding, the graveyard our church, with the only exception that my husband would never reply to my love with I do... His mouth has been sealed from the beginning.

A thin layer of snow laid on the stone, the flowers of the past days frozen and firm, decorating his grave. With a shuddering breath I set down the new bouquet and placed a small kiss right above his name, a tear falling from my eyes and disappearing in the snow. Who would've thought I would visit such a place to meet someone I loved but never had an opportunity to show it to them? Like a wife, mourning over my husband who left to fight in the army. Awaiting his return, standing at the window, hoping and wishing he would open the door and embrace me tight. Then military officers would visit and hand over a card filled with fake compassion, giving me the news I became a widow over night. He had lost the battle. The battle against death.

Sitting down I didn't care about the cold biting through my suit; I wanted to be at eye level with him. Equals on opposite ends, like black and white, him dead and I alive... It was as if I was looking directly at him when I glanced at the tomb, imagining he sat behind it and would jump up every second so we could go home together. But that never happened. Ever since his death I remained quiet, no one had heard my voice and not even I knew what it sounded like anymore. If he wasn't allowed to use his then I didn't want to use mine either. I prayed in my thoughts, I told him what I felt, speaking to him silently in my mind. I hoped he could hear what I said but so far he never answered...

I placed my pale and shaking hand on the slightly frozen soil, closed my eyes and felt the snow falling onto my skin while I envisioned touching the chest above his heart. A routine, meaning more to me than anyone could ever understand. I wasn't crazy, I just wanted to be with him was that too much to ask? Breathing in a steady pace I began the eulogy I phrased for him from anew every day. In my eyes he was special and deserved to know what I felt and thought about him. With each time my heart grew weaker and it took me longer to say goodbye...

Hello, love.
Believe me or not but I can't picture you laying under my palm, in the ground underneath me.
Old people lay in coffins, people with incureable diseases; not you.
I miss you dearly. My life is not the same anymore.
Something is missing, you are missing.
You're probably wondering why it's you who I want and to be honest? I can't explain my feelings for you.
I just love you and can't change it..
I heard that if you love someone you have to let them go, but how can I do it when I barely spend time with you?
I've wished for so long to hug you, show you that there's someone who awaits you with open arms; figured way too late that it wouldn't matter..
I was selfish, trying to save you when you clearly didn't want me to.
You've endured so much. Endless pain, mentally and physically.
You're strong for holding on for so long.
The plead in your eyes.
Please; not directed to help you but to let you go.
I misread the signs and now look what happened.

You're gone and I'm down here, grieving.

Spread your wings my angel, take back your place in heaven, don't rest in peace but live like you've never lived before.
Every rainbow will remind me of the smile I've never seen you flash. Every ray of sunlight, the hope in your eyes. The storms and the rain washing away my tears, the wind feeling like your arms reaching out to touch me but disappearing with the calm.

Avi I just hope you're happy now, that God is the father you never had and gifted you an afterlife you will enjoy.

If you want me too, then wait for me...

That's the end.

Thank you for reading, voting and commenting! <3

#Yanie