Please... (Mavi/PTX)

28

A/N: Thank you for your comments on the last one. It was interesting to read your opinions. Love y'all! <3

It was so cold. So incredibly cold. I was frozen to the bones, blood stopped flowing, heartbeat slowed down, oxygen did not reach my lungs. Near death, so close and yet so far.  The letter in my hands had lost its letters, the snow melted them back to ink, the blakish liquid running down my forearm, dripping from my elbow. The snow was not as pure anymore, black,  parallel to my soul. People told me, those who wished to die would never be able to reach heaven, would burn in hell, would suffer in flames, a nonfatal death, no escape, no hope, just darkness within then and the world. Where would I go after my soul left my body? Where would Avi be? In his rightful place, heaven? A readmitted angel?
And what if I could never see him again? What then? Would I be able to live with that, with the thought of never being able to tell him how I truly feel? 

I was so tired. I wondered how I was still alive after being outside in the snow for so long without any proper clothes. My body should've given up long ago.. Then I realized something. Avi wore nothing more than a shirt and ripped jeans every single day, in the winter. How did he do it? Malnourished, dirty, beaten endlessly and still he carried on. I could only conclude that it was his determination to reach home in time. There was no reason why he shouldn't give up. He could've died randomly but he chose not to. He was so frightened, he was terryfied of what his keeper would do to him if he wouldn't return home. His body wouldn't care because he would be gone but his soul would never let go of this fear, not even if he walked through the gates of heaven. His dread was anchored deep within him and I felt a stabbing sensation in my heart when I remembered the scared look in his eyes. The plead to let him go his way, to never try to save him although he wanted it. He couldn't allow himself to be rescued, the consequences would be tremendous...

"Avi..."

I recalled my promise. To never leave him, to never let go. Saying his name out loud made my heart ache in a way I've never felt before. I couldn't describe the feeling even if I wanted to, it just hurt more than dying. He told me that one of us had to die and even if I agreed to go instead of him I couldn't just leave.. not before apologizing for breaking my promise. My soul would never come to a rest, I didn't deserve a peaceful slumber but he did and if I would go back now.. would he receive what he deserved? A spot in heaven? 
I could reach Scott's home faster if I took another route but I was uncertain if I could make it with my aching body. I would try either way. For him.

I threw the letter into the wind and watched after the piece of paper, how it flew and roamed through the ice cold air. Until it vanished in the white clouds I repeated our conversation in my head and when the letter disappeared somehow I couldn't remember any of it anymore. Not thinking about it any further I began to walk with a limp. I couldn't feel my legs and I feared I could collapse anytime soon, preferably on the road... 

"I w-will be t-there.."

I puff of hot air escaped from my lips and formed a small cloud in the air, traveling higher until it was gone. Similar like our souls... We loose a piece of them everytime we speak our mind, to heaven or to hell. Depends on the content and if we mean it. I closed my eyes and let a few snowflakes fall on my face once again. I knew that as soon as I reached Scott's home they wouldn't let me go.. would they? Were they even worried that I was gone? Why didn't they look for me? Was I really that unnecessary? The thought hurt, it hurt to know that I was not needed in their lives and I understood Avi more and more. What he went through when he walked outside with no proper clothes, the sickening feeling of being out of place, the fact of being beaten.. Not as bad as him, I was thankful for that, but still. Hands colliding with skin with a different reason than love..

The day had a certain depressing tone to it, grey clouds, cold air, snow falling, no people outside, smoke rising from the chimney, lights illuminating the rooms.  Scott's home wasn't any different. They were still there, Kevin's car was parked in front of it, they would all see my frozen frame. Two people being near to death in less than a week. Could Scott, Kirstie and Kevin take that? Could they live with that? 

I stopped walking when I reached the bell and pressed the little button, hearing the sound echoing in the house, then shuffling on the ground. The door opened, warm air wrapping around my body, and I saw Scott's overly worried face. He embraced me so suddenly I had no time to react or move away. His sobs filling the air and my shattered heart to the brim.

"S-Scott..I'm f-fine..."

"M-Mitch he..he is..!"

I didn't want to hear what he wanted to say. It would be too much to handle, not now.. And yet I knew myself, that I would ask what had happened.

"W-what's wrong? W-where is h-he?"

Without a doubt, this was about Avi. My thoughts overlapped and I couldn't focus on a single one.

"H-he's gone..!"

Thank you for reading, voting and commenting! <3

#Yanie