You Still There? (Larry Stylinson) *editing*

Chapter Fifteen [Louis]

Chapter Fifteen [Louis]

Friday, 24th February...

I hadn't gotten any emails for a few days. It sort of made me freak out. It had me getting paranoid and scared and I was just really getting worked up. I almost had a panic attack once.

This was not healthy. It wasn't at all. I wanted to know what was up so badly. I wanted to know why Harry didn't write me anymore. I thought about what if it was me? What if he read my email to Liam? What if he thought, I wouldn't care? What if he thought I didn't want his emails? Those thoughts almost killed me. I couldn't even sleep properly anymore. I would just wake up in the middle of the night, sweating and breathing heavily after another nightmare of Harry telling me he hated me and that I should never even think about coming back again.

That morning was the same. I woke up as usual and the first thing I did, was grab my phone. I needed to know if that really was what Harry was thinking. But then I remembered... I remembered that I couldn't. If I talked to him once, he would want me to talk again. He would trick me into coming back, probably without even trying. I considered texting, but I just couldn't.

The next thing I considered was asking Liam. I could call him, right? He wouldn't get mad, he wouldn't tell Harry. Right? No, I couldn't even be sure of that.

Without thinking further about it, I just dialed Liam's number. I was frozen until I heard Liam's voice. “Yeah?”, he asked. (This was like the usual thing to say for them when someone called who they didn't have in their contacts. Otherwise fans might accidentally call them and have their number.) I had missed that voice. I stayed quiet though, not knowing what to say. “Hello?”, Liam asked again but I just hung up.

I knew I couldn't say anything. It was the wrong thing to do. Especially if Harry saw that email and got upset. I needed to talk to him first if I ever did that. Face to face. There was a very little chance that this ever happened, but I made myself promise myself that if I could ever talk with them again, Harry would be the first one to know. I would be face to face with him. If he wanted to see me, that is.

I was still sweating so I decided to take a shower before doing anything else. The water felt like rain and it just made my mood going down even more. At some point I started crying in the shower. Even though I knew that no one would see me in a shower anyway, I was still glad that there was the water that dropped down on me like rain, hiding my tears.

I got out of the shower once the water went cold and I was too tired to cry. I just couldn't do it anymore. Additionally, I got a bad headache. “Wonderful day.”, I murmured sarcastically and rolled my eyes at myself.

As I wrapped a towel around my waist, I spotted a razor. No, my thoughts weren't like “Oh, haven't shaved in a long time. Maybe I should do that.” They were more depressed. I actually almost did it. I almost grabbed the razor and cut myself. But I didn't. I put it back down and thought about what I was doing. I couldn't do that. It might have taken the pain away for seconds, minutes.. maybe even a few hours. But not for forever.

It also wouldn't bring back Harry. Nothing would, if I didn't. Harry would never be proud of me if I took that razor now and cut myself. No matter if I thought I deserved it or not. Harry would be proud of me, if I took that razor but put it away again. If I took that razor and just shaved my face, like it is supposed to be used. That's what Harry would be proud of and that's what anyone would be proud of.

I was glad those were my thoughts as I put the razor away and went back to my bed, grabbing my laptop. I knew it was a hopeless case but maybe Harry wrote something again. Maybe. So I opened my emails and my eyes widened as I saw a new email from Harry. I chewed on my bottom lip as I opened it, not caring about the “Harry hates me now. That's why he doesn't write anymore.”, that I heard so often from myself lately.

I was speechless and frozen when I saw the four words. My mind was racing though. Why would Harry write me this? Why now? What was going on?

I had so many questions that no one besides Harry could answer me. Was this just in a friendly way? Just that, in case I thought he'd hate me, I knew that he wasn't? What was this?

It had me thinking all day and night until I fell asleep. I was wondering why he would write me something like that. The worst things came to my mind. But also the best. I ended up confused all day but a voice in my head told me, that this was not random, that this was for me only and that this meant something more than a simple “I love you” between best friends.

What do you guys think? xx